


Styles Fx

by BabyGurl_Stylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bondage and Discipline, Bottom Louis, Deepthroating, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Ghost Sex, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Points of View, References to Depression, Rimming, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, Slavery, Submissive Louis, Top Josh, Versatile Harry, dominant Josh, water play
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2018-12-01 10:27:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11484453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyGurl_Stylinson/pseuds/BabyGurl_Stylinson
Summary: Harry Styles was a loner and not known as a very nice man. He owned one of the hottest clubs in LA called 'Styles Fx', as well as a chain of 12 restaurants called 'Saisons'. He was a 26 year old millionaire with no one to share it with. He never thought he would find that special person after so many failed relationships. What will happen when he visits his club one night and looks down from his office seeing the spotlight on the most beautiful man he has ever seen. The way he moves his body has Harry entranced. Almost all the eyes in the club were on him... including Harry's. When he looked up and their eyes met, Harry lost his breath. It was Louis Tomlinson, his first love.So, will Harry ever find true love again or will the demons from his past ruin things for him before he gets a second chance.





	1. Prologue

Harry Styles was a powerhouse. He had his own club as well as a chain of the finest restaurants. His club was dubbed the hottest spot in LA. Celebrities frequented his club nightly and natives would line up for blocks for the chance to get in. Despite all of this success, he was not happy.

Harry was not the nicest guy, which means a relationship with him was difficult. His longest is a mere 7 months to a girl called Feonah. It is not that he ever means to come off as rude. He was just a hard man. He had to keep up this persona to keep people from walking all over him, or so he thought. He had a few close friends that he had known since uni. His best friends name was Liam Payne. They had been friends since his first day of uni. Then there is Zayn Malik that he met through Liam and Niall Horan that he met during his second year at uni. Liam has a girlfriend called Perrie Edwards and Niall has a boyfriend called Steve Aoki. Zayn is single and he and Harry hook up from time to time to relieve some stress with no strings attached.

Harry is not gay. He is more of open minded. He does not feel the need to label himself. It is none of anyone's business as far as he is concerned. He can kiss and fuck anyone he wants, and he does. Fuck the haters.

Whoever says money can't buy happiness must definitely know of Harry Styles. He feels like that quote was made especially for him. Sure he could buy anyone he dated anything he wanted, but he could never buy from them what he wanted most... their love.

His mother always told him he should stop looking for love and it would find him. He tried to live by that but he has been alone for three years. It is like love avoids him and finds everyone else. He often sits in his club looking down from his office hoping to find someone interesting in the sea of people that frequent his club every night.

He was hopeful that one night he would find someone that he could fall for and spend the rest of his life with. He wanted someone he could trust to love him and not what he had. Was that too much to ask?


	2. The Auditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonight is a big night at the club and Harry is hopeful about finding a love interest. He is conducting auditions alongside famous movie producer, Jayzon Blummer, to find dancers for his upcoming movie. Harry is a major contributor for the movie as well as his club being used for movie scenes as well. So what happens at the end of the night when auditions are winding down, and a feather-haired, curvy sex bomb comes in and starts dancing amongst the crowd. How will Harry react when he finally sees his face? Will it be love at first sight or quite the opposite?

Fuck my life.

Those are the three words Harry Styles found himself muttering often. Although people on the outside looking in thought everything was all champagne and roses, they could not be further from the truth. He had gone from a high school bully to a multi-millionaire business owner but he still was not content. Even with all the money and fame, he felt he had nothing. The one thing he wanted most, he never could attain. Love.

Meet Harry Edward Styles, self-made business extraordinaire. He was the one all the ladies and the fellas (even some straight ones) wanted. Only thing is, they weren't looking for love. They just wanted money and as much as they could get before they were cut loose. Well, maybe ot all of them but definitely the ones he ended up with did. Every day was the same meaning, another day of loneliness and misery lying in wait to consume him. How is someone so beautifully smooth, handsome, rich, and successful so down you may ask? Well, Harry has had a bit of a hard time with relationships as I am sure you have gathered. This dates back as far as his junior year of high school. He has always been an open minded guy, never limiting the possibilities of love. He has dated many men, as well as women that he thought, could potentially be the one. Now, after ten years since his first date, he is still alone. He is now 26 years old and still looking for that one true and special love. Waking up to these thoughts every morning is what begins each dreadful day. No matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to get out of this funk. Maybe he should just take his mother's advice and wait for love to find him. Maybe he would if it seemed that Cupid knew he was alive.

Groaning as he woke up, Harry began blinking rapidly to let his eyes adjust to the sunlight seeping into his bedroom. He didn't want to get out of bed. Life was so hard.

He threw the covers back and swung his legs lazily to the side of the bed. He loved his life. Make no mistake about it. He just wants companionship. He craves someone to share his life with. He wants someone to spoil and to spoil him. Late night cuddles, candlelit dinners, making love to that special someone he can call his own, and most importantly, finally saying, "I love you." This seemed like only a dream. He never saw a happy ever after for himself, and he learned to believe that early on. Although he still never gave up on love, he just never expects to find it.

Despite all these thoughts running through his head, he manages to push himself from the side of the bed and into his ensuite, grabbing his phone and flipping through his messages on the way. He noticed he had a text from Zayn saying he needed a fix. Don't get Harry wrong, Zayn is a great guy, but he was tired of the "friends with benefits thing'. He and Zayn have been friends for what seems like forever. He loves him dearly, but it is not that kind of love.

They have been sleeping with each other for about four years now; no strings attached of course. It was good at first for both of them. Zayn doesn't want a relationship and Harry didn't at the time either. Harry was just coming out of his longest relationship yet. Her name was Feonah Rassus. She was beautiful. She was a low budget model and Harry felt drawn to her when he first met her. She had long fluffy brown hair, blue eyes, long legs, and a wonderful personality; or so he thought.

He was so into Feonah. The sex was amazing and she was always there for him. He would have never thought that she was scheming the whole time. One thing he learned the hard way was to never be so trusting. After five months, he decided to open a joint account and added her with him. He deposited money in it weekly. He wanted to be sure she was able to have everything her heart desired. He had fallen so hard for her. His mother, as well as his friends, tried to warn him he was moving too fast but he wouldn't hear it. All she had to say was I love you and he would always cater to her.

Around their sixth month, shit started to hit the fan. She moved into his house and walked around as if she owned it. He never said anything because he wanted her to fill at home. If they were going to be living together, she had to have things where she could be happy there as well. Only thing is, she took it too far. She began to redecorate the whole house despite the fact that Harry has an interior designer flown in from France to decorate. Everything in his house was top of the line and she was just having things thrown out. He arrived home from work to find the house nearly gutted except for the kitchen, the dining room, and the master bedroom. He nearly died.

After she explained and fluttered her lashes and gave a few kisses he gave in. However, he was becoming wary of her and her intentions. The last draw was just over their seventh month mark. He noticed considerable amounts of money being taken from their joint account. When he questioned her about it, she blamed it on shopping and trying to make the house beautiful for the both of them. Harry, however, was not an idiot. He got his account to try to find out what he could. Not too long after, Harry was told that she had a secret account and that what she took from their joint account was being deposited there.

To say Harry was livid would be an understatement. He immediately told her she needed to leave and that if she did not return every dime she stole, he would have her ass. She tried her best to apologize and get him to bend, but it did not work this time. With tears and her suitcases, she exited his home never to return.

Harry was so heartbroken. She used him for his money and his fame. Now, her modeling career had taken off and she even tried to say bad things about him when she was asked about him in interviews. She painted him to be a cruel man and that she was happy to be done with that chapter of her life. Bitch. If only they knew the truth.

After that terribly sad breakup, Harry gave up on love. He started just sleeping around trying to relieve his depression. He never found anything to help. Not even alcohol was a good fix. That is when he started hooking up with Zayn. At first, it was a bit weird to be sleeping with his best friend, but the sex was good. He would normally top, but if he had a particularly bad day, he wanted Zayn to tie him up and fuck him into the mattress. It actually worked out well. He has someone to fulfill his needs and he doesn't have to worry about being taken advantage of.

The only problem is, there is no love and when it is over, he is alone again. Despite this and the worthless feeling he has begun to experience again, he finds himself texting Zayn that they can meet that night at around 1 am in his office. Tossing the phone on his vanity, he then strips down stepping into the shower and letting the hot water consume his body. He tries to wash away as much of the gloom as he can to try for at least a semi-productive day.

After his shower, he hopped out and wraps a towel around his waist and a smaller one around his hair to dry. He stops by the sink to brush his teeth and finish up his hair. Once it is deemed acceptable, he exits to the bathroom to get his clothes out for the day.

He decides on his black Saint Laurent pinstriped blazer and trousers, black sequin socks (also Saint Laurent), and his Georgio Armani plain toe Oxford's. To say he looked fucken hot would be an understatement. He gave himself a once over before heading to the kitchen for a bit of breakfast. He had a bad day yesterday and told his cook and housecleaner not to come in today. So now, he had to prepare his own breakfast.

He decided to grab a banana, a cup of his favorite yogurt and then sat down to read the paper. There was always so much crime and corruption in LA. Reading the current news every day just brought him down further than he already was. On the front page of the paper today, there was a story about a three year old gunned down in a drive-by shooting. So very tragic. He threw the paper to the side and finished his breakfast

Looking at the time, he signed and grabbed his briefcase heading for the door. He set his alarm and closed his door and listened for the automatic locking system to kick in. Sighing, he thought about the long day ahead of him. All he wanted was to get back in bed and hide under the covers. However, he couldn't. Not today. 

Once the doors locked, he took the usual thirteen steps before he reached his car. Locking his briefcase in the truck he finally got into the car. He pushed start and the car roared to life. He had many cars, but his car of choice was his Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead. It had white sides with a blue hood and trunk as well as blue trim. It was fucking lovely.

Finally making his way through traffic, he finally arrived at Styles Fx. The hottest club in LA, that he just so happened to own. As he reached the entrance, his valet came out to park his car. He took one last breath before his day officially started.

As the valet warily approached, Harry him watched with cold eyes. "H-hello Mr. Styles. So nice to see you. Wonderful day, yeah?" he greeted, only to receive a scowl from Harry. The valet took a deep breath and awaited the normal harsh words that followed after greeting Harry. However, Harry merely said, "Wash her for me and fill it up with gas. Also, be sure to bring her back around at 1 pm sharp as I have a lunch appointment." The valet nodded in understanding and prepared to park the cart. "Oh, and by the way," Harry called out after him and he turned back to face him. "I am having a fairly decent day." Being as surprised as the valet, he turned and entered his club and a smile immediately made its way to his face.

He loved his club. He loved his restaurants, Saisons, as well but there was just something about his club that made his heart race and skips beats when he entered. If it was a human, he would definitely marry them. The lights, the décor, and just the general atmosphere called to him. He gets so pumped up when it comes into view from the highway. It is truly his pride and joy and he hopes that one day he can look down from his office and find his angel.

As he walked to the lift to his office, he waved to the few employees that were there setting up for tonight. This was a very special night at the club. The week prior, Jason Blum had visited the club. He requested to speak with Harry. After finding out what it was about Harry agreed and now they were calling all dancers to hit the club tonight. Jayzon Blummer is a major film director. His focus is horror films, but he wanted to try to branch out and make a dance film with a bit of an edge. He needed Harry's help to get the word out about the open call that he happily was able to conduct at Styles Fx. He needed a lot of dancers. Of course, all major roles would be filled by professionals. However, Jason made it clear that if he found someone good enough, they could easily take a lead role.

So to say Harry was on his A-game was a hundred percent accurate. They would be packed tonight. Not only that but he may find the one. Well, maybe not the one but at least someone to hopefully have something special with. The auditions would go on for three days, with the last call being on Friday. Despite the open call, the club would still be running as usual.

The doors open at 6 pm nightly and remained open until 4 am. Being here, you get the full experience. It is not just a come in dance, drink, and go home. We have dancers here, a stage where single dancers come out and dance throughout the night. It is also open to the guests in the club to dance by request. Besides that, we have rooms for private dances if you see a dancer you would like to get a bit closer to. The no touch rule always applies, unless you have permission from the dancer. That is just the short of the things that are offered there.

Just as Harry was about to leave for lunch, he saw a sight he never wanted to see again. Feonah was standing in his office doorway. He almost shitted himself. He didn't even speak a word to her. He called security and had her removed. She was shouting to him to hear her out, but he would not listen. He heard her shouting many things as they quickly removed her. One thing stuck out in his head though. "You will regret this!" was the last thing she screamed at him.

He tried not to care, but it through off his day. He knows she has nearly ruined him before and that because of her stupidity he took himself through hell and has become the irritable man he is today. He hoped she would not do anything stupid again, but if she did, he would certainly counter it.

Losing his appetite for lunch, he rang the valet to take his car back and began going over things for the night. He needed to make sure everything was coming together as planned. After his walk around, he decided to take a small nap. Sadly, it turned into a bigger one than he expected. When he awoke, his friend Liam was banging on his door. He knew it was trouble then. Liam was not due in until 5 pm and the club opens at six. He had fucked up. He just hoped his workers had finished getting shit together or someone was going to be fired.

"Harry! What the fuck are you doing man?" Liam asked. He could not believe Harry was asleep. He is never careless like this. He knows his friend is going through a lot and it hurts him that he can't do anything about it. "I fell asleep Liam. It was supposed to be a small nap just after noon. Fuck, how did I let this happen?" Harry asked himself angrily. "Liam informed him that everything was ready and that people were already lined up for what seemed like miles before heading back down to the bar. They had devised a system to keep track of those who came to dance as an audition so that they could be removed after a certain amount of time. There were 3 dance floors in the club. The one in the middle would be the one used for the audition. It was the biggest and there was a perfect view there from Harry's office. Mr. Blum had asked Harry to assist in picking out the better dancers and he was honored. On Friday, there would be a callback for the dancers who were handpicked. At half past five, the music from the club kicked on to start getting the awaiting clubbers hyped.

Harry was in his office waiting for the show to begin alongside Jayzon. They had radio contact with two of Mr. Blummer's men that would remain downstairs to pull the chosen dancers to the side and take their information. Harry ordered a drink and took a seat by the window to have the best view. His office overlooked the club and the top half of the wall was completely bullet-proof glass. He also had another door you could go through for complete privacy that was soundproof and had no glass. Only four walls. Overall, it was a very beautiful and unique office and he loved it.

"Are you ready?" Harry asked Jayzon who nodded with a hopeful smile. "Open the doors," Harry said into the walkie. Whereas the club could hold nearly 1,000 people at once, Harry only permitted 600 at a time. He had learned the hard way to take more precaution. There was so much security at this club it made Fort Knox look mediocre at best. There has been a lot of violence in clubs around the US lately. It has not only been the LGBTQ+ clubs like in the beginning of this mess, but also just your normal everyday clubs where everyone is welcome. I make it a mission to go an extra ten miles to keep my clubbers safe while inside these walls.

While the club is starting to fill, people seem to be taking the direction well. There are 500 regulars let into the club and 200 for the audition. Yeah, it goes against the norm, but it is only for 3 days. There are more people let in according to the number who leaves. There is an exit door for each dance floor for safety. The security at the main door receives a count of people who leave the club and what door they exited through. This is how they know how many and who to let in. Any other night, they would just go down the line and let in whoever they felt would not prove to be a nuisance. This seems to be working well even with the hectic night.

The Dj is really hitting tonight. Yeah, that is Zayn for you. Not only is he Harry's bed buddy, but he also controls the pulse of the club. Well, that is still all under the scrutiny of Harry. He has the last say in everything of course. Harry has seen Zayn stealing glances at him. The Dj booth is raised ten feet into the air in the front center of the club and can only be accessed from the lift. It literally hangs dead center of the club's ceiling. Harry's office is six feet above that but it is in front of the club and centered. I had totally forgotten about our "meet up" at 1 in my private office, but I must say I am looking forward to it already.

Jayzon has spotted quite a few dancers and I have yet to find anyone. I am trying my best to help but I think I am more looking at the dancers for my own personal reasons. The auditions will be over at 10 pm. There are 2 hours left for tonight. Everyone is giving their all. I spot one girl with long blonde hair and a very curvy body. It seems as though she is dancing for me. She is looking straight at me. I got a bit flustered as she began to rub her body. I call down to security and have her plucked to leave her info, making sure they let her know I would like to follow up with her also but not about the dance. I watched her exit the door and waited to see who would come in next.

I ordered another drink after I didn't notice anyone enter. I went to my desk to check the figures so far for tonight. We are doing exceptionally well for a Wednesday night. I know it is because of the auditions but hey, it still benefits my back account right?

As I finish up with the little work I had to do and make my way back over to Jayzon, I notice he has sat up in his chair. He is staring intently at something or someone. I quickly look up and try to find the source of the excitement I saw in his eyes. Then I saw him. He was beautiful. His body was so curvy and he looked so soft. I just wanted to touch him. I have never been so captivated by anyone in my life.

I just sat there watching him and thinking. I just wished he would look at me so I could see if he would react to me or at least lock eyes with me. I tried not to call down just yet, but I couldn't help it. I made sure to tell the security to let him know he was my pick but he was to wait until the second call to leave the floor. Of course, the guard wanted to ask why this time I switched up my method of selection, but I only said, "Do it." Afterwards, I gazed down at him again. He never looked up at me and I didn't understand. Everyone else was always so eager to get me to notice them. Not this guy. I found that very intriguing.

After about fifteen more minutes the auditioning would be ending. Jayzon was still picking dancers to come back on Friday, but he kept watching the feather-haired beauty. He said he was one of the best dancers he had ever seen and he was excited to work with him. I found myself secretly hoping he would get a lead role.

As the time wound down, all of the remaining dancers on the second dance floor were told the auditions were over. That is, all except for the curvy beauty. I called down and told security to have him sent to my office. Jayzon wanted to speak with him and so did I. I was a big investor in this movie after all. Hell, a lot of scenes will be shot here in Styles Fx.

"Just tell him he is to be escorted to Mr. Styles' office," I said into the mic as I watched the interaction through the glass. As the guard finished informing him, it happened. He finally looked up. I lost my breath when I finally saw him. Damn, it was Louis. 

Fuck my life!


	3. When The Past Comes Calling

He finally looked up. I lost my breath when I finally saw him. It was Louis.

Fuck my life.

My heart began to race as blue met green once again. It had been so long since I had seen Louis last. My breathing picked up drastically and I could see Jayzon eyeing me suspiciously from the corner of my eye. I couldn't speak. I was very nervous as to what would happen when he reached my office.

As Louis entered the lift to my office, I could feel eyes on me. Liam was looking at me with his mouth agape and confusion wrote all over his face. Liam was the only one who knew about Louis and I as well as what happened. That was a major turning point in my life. It was the longest relationship I have ever been in and actually been in love, yet it is the only relationship I didn't count.

Flashback

I was walking on my way to homeroom with one of my mates, Josh Peters, when I heard it. Someone was in the bathroom screaming and begging for mercy. I could hear some of my friends laughing and shouting mean, homophobic things at someone. Sure, I was part of their crowd, but I never hurt anyone. I just went along with it. Being popular meant being a certain way, even though I did not agree with most of what they did. I did just enough to stay with the in-crowd and that was it. I never thought to want to fit in with that crowd would change me forever.

I pulled Josh along with me to the bathroom to see what was going on. I never expected to see what I saw when I entered. Two of my best mates, Lukas and Troy were holding a boy upside down over the toilet ready to dunk him again. They had beaten him and he was bloody and wet. He looked so afraid. His clothes were torn and he looked about ready to pass out. His eyes looked at me pleadingly, but I couldn't say anything. What would my mates think? I could have stopped it, but I didn't. I let them continue to beat him and dunk him in the toilet while my other friends taunted him and took checp jabs at him when they could. I drowned out his screams begging for someone to help him. I didn't.

Josh joined in, but I couldn't. He continued to stare at me. I had to look away as Troy slammed his face on the toilet bowl and then dipped him again. This time, they weren't bringing him up. I looked on in horror as the boy struggled to get free. I began to scream and cry and told them to bring him up. His body was lifeless. They just dropped him on the floor like he was trash. They laughed and looked at me and said, "This is what happens to fags, Harry." I choked on a sob and watched my friends walk away. They knew my secret and I knew they would never speak to me again.

I ran over to the boy and tried to help him. "Louis. Babe! I am so sorry. Please open your eyes for me love. Please baby. Don't leave me, please." I screamed as I wrapped him in my arms. I was so stupid to think he would still be mine if he made it through this. I was sobbing and crying so hard I could hardly see or breathe. I began to scream for help. Finally, after what felt like forever, someone entered. I heard him gasp and he ran for help. When the ambulance got there I told the paramedic everything that happened. All the guys were handcuffed and taken to jail. So was I.

My mother was so disappointed when she found out why I was in jail. I don't understand how I could have been so stupid. I was afraid. Yeah. That's what it was. However, it was no excuse. I didn't know if the boy was alive or dead. I wanted to see him and make sure he was alright. I wanted to apologize and ask him if he could ever forgive me. What I wanted most was to tell him I loved him even if I was too afraid to show it. I didn't see him for another year. When I did he was not the same.

End Flashback

Just before the lift open, I ran. I ran into my sub-office as fast as I could. I couldn't be near him after what I had, well hadn't done. I had seen him a couple of times after he returned to school the next year, but he never spoke to me. There was always this look of hurt on his face whenever he caught eyes with me. The bubbly boy I had fallen in love with was now a shell of himself and I could have prevented it, but I didn't.

I still have nightmares of that day in my junior year of high school. Not only did it change him, it changed me also. I remember all the nights of nightmares and panic attacks while I was locked up. I had to be sedated in the medical ward so many times. They put me on medication because they thought I was going a bit mental and they were afraid I would hurt myself.

I almost succeeded one night, but I was caught and rushed to the hospital. I spent 2 weeks in a psych ward before they let me leave. I was now on better medication and I could deal with things a lot better. I only had to keep myself drugged up on these med's so I wouldn't crack. My prison sentence gave new meaning to "hard time" with all I was going through. Although, it was not nearly enough time to heal my heart. I was sentenced to 9 months in jail for not stopping the fight and 2 years of probation upon release. I felt like they just gave me a slap on the wrist. All of my old friends got 5 years except Lukas and Troy. Lukas received 8 years and Troy received 12 for the extra violence he carried out on his own.

I sat inside my office waiting. I don't know what I was waiting for. However, when I heard it, I knew. "Where is Harry?" a soft voiced asked. I knew it was Louis. The hurt and pain all rushed me at once. I was reliving what happened all over again. I began to panic. I couldn't breathe. That was when I realized, I didn't take my pills this morning.

I don't know how I could have been so stupid. I have had the same routine for the past 9 years. Get up, wonder why I woke up again to this dreadful life, bathe, have breakfast, take my pills, and go to work. This is the first time I slipped. Now I am paying for it the day I see Louis again after 9 years. Fuck my life.

Jayzon started calling out to me, but I couldn't go out there. How could I face him knowing what I allowed happen to him? He was the love of my fucking life, and I allowed those bastards I called friends to nearly kill him while I watched. I was not going out there. I started to feel light-headed and I had to sit down. I needed my pills. I frantically searched through my desk drawers. Then I realized they were in my main office. I was fucked.

Jayzon continued to knock on the door and I continued to ignore it. Finally, he gave up and I could hear him now talking to Louis, going on ahead with the meeting. Louis sounded ecstatic to hear that he could possibly be receiving a leading role. "You are a great dancer. I have never seen anyone dance so well and not be professional. Did you study dance in college?" Jayzon asked. Louis must have shaken his head no because Jayzon asked how did he get so good. His answer crushed me.

"I went through a lot in my junior year of high school. I was almost killed by some homophobic assholes while others just stood by and watched. Sometimes they joined in, but it was mainly two guys. There was one guy." I heard him sniffle, "that I thought loved me, but he stood there and watched his friends nearly kill me. He was my boyfriend and I loved him with all of my heart. Our relationship was a secret. His friends found out somehow, and that is why I was being beaten. Even though they knew we were together, I would never admit it, so I didn't call out to him as he watched me being beaten. He just looked at him hoping he would intervene until my head was slammed against a toilet and then they drowned me in the bowl. Luckily, I survived." I could hear Jayzon saying he was sorry for what happened. I was a sobbing mess and I was so glad this room was soundproof.

"So is that when you started dancing?" Jayzon asked. "I started taking classes and trying to build myself esteem up again. After the incident, I went back to school and the guy I thought loved me passed me every day in the halls. He never spoke a word to me. My senior year, I moved schools because I couldn't face him again. It is weird, but I understood his actions. I was also told it was because of him I lived. I would have forgiven him, but he completely abandoned me. All he did was look at me. I just couldn't go through another year of that. He took a deep breath and continued saying, "I decided to take up dance when I graduated high school. I went to uni, but my major was Psychology. I took a few dance lessons on the side, but I could not afford to keep it up. So, I taught myself." Jayzon gasped and replied, "Well, you are one hell of a teacher." Louis laughed and it was the most beautiful sound. I missed it.

I was a complete mess in the next room. He still loved me and wanted to forgive me. I never thought that could be. I thought he would want to be as far away from me as possible. I have so much regret in my heart right now. All I wanted was to take him in my arms and tell him how much I loved him and how sorry I was, but I didn't. We were together for almost 2 years when our worlds changed forever. I am so glad he was able to move on. I couldn't.

Jayzon was wrapping up the meeting and getting the last of the information he needed from Louis. He told him he would still like for him to come back tomorrow and dance a bit and also that he definitely had to come back on Friday. I don't know how I would make it through these next two days. Not to mention the filming of the movie, since I would be present for that as well. I have to be sure I never forget my medication again that is for sure.

I heard the meeting wrapping up and I was so happy. I needed my pills. I had calmed down quite a bit listening to Louis talk about how well he was doing. I was happy to hear that he had moved on and made something out of his life. I was glad he put the past behind him and moved forward instead of moving forward and taking it with him like I did. My life was a wreck and it was all my fault. One mistake can definitely change your life.

I heard the lift open and the talking stopped so I assumed they were gone. I finally got up the nerve to look through the security camera to check if my office was clear. I didn't see anyone so I got a drink of water and walked out, trying to remain s calm as possible. I sat down at my desk and thought about Louis. I could smell the scent he left in the room. He smelled of strawberries and vanilla. He always used to smell so good back when we dated. He was so beautiful. He always had a beautiful smile when we were together. Even though I had to pretend I didn't know him in school. He never complained. He loved me. Then when he needed me most I let him down.

I heard the lift coming up again and I began to panic. I thought Louis was coming back, but when I checked the cam it was Zayn. It was just approaching 2 am. Our set time had passed, so why was he coming up. When the life opened, he gave me a small smile. "Hi," he said looking at me with a smirk. If only he knew what was going on in my head. "I was wondering if you still wanted to hook up." I could not believe my ears. Could he not see my distressed state. I shook my head. "Oh. I thought you could use something to help you relax. You looked a bit tense before that guy came up." He replied. I could not agree more. I knew this was not a time for sex, but I needed some relief and without my pills, Zayn was all I had. I stood up from my desk and grabbed Zayn around his waist. I slammed our lips together in a bruising kiss trying to forget the past hours. I slowly walked him to the couch and laid him down. "Don't you want to go into the other office like we normally do," he asked me. I didn't listen. I just began to rip his clothes off.

I began to kiss down his neck while removing my clothes. Sex between us was always rushed, but never like this. I was desperate. I needed to forget. I couldn't take the images in my head. "I want to fuck your mouth," I told Zayn and he looked at me and dropped to his knees. He opened his mouth and I shoved my dick in his mouth and began snapping my hips quickly. Zayn took it like a champ. He sputtered a few times, but I kept going. After a couple of minutes, I pulled out and began to stroke him. "I want you to fuck me tonight. I want it to hurt. I want it to burn. I need you to punish me." I told him. He went to protest, but I got on my knees and simply said, "no prep."

I could tell he was hesitant about doing it at first, but he eventually complied. He tried to go in slowly to relieve some of the pain, but I merely pushed back and we both let out a loud moan. Mine was actually more of a scream. It hurt. It hurt like hell. I deserved. He didn't move so I began to ride back on him so he would move. I was in so much pain but I begged for him to go harder and faster. I had to grab hold to the arm of the chair to ground myself. The chair was steadily moving across the floor. I didn't cry out anymore. I deserved this. I deserved this pain. I had even slipped on a cock ring to cause myself even more pain. "I'm gonna cum Harry, fuck," Zayn said breathlessly. Not too long after he pulled out, removed the condom, and spread his cum on my ass. I fell limp on the chair.

"Harry, are you ok mate," Zayn asked. "Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?" I felt my face and sure enough, I had tears streaming down. "Please just leave me alone now Zayn," I begged him. He got dressed and called for the lift. As he turned away he asked, "Who is Louis?" I froze. Why would he ask that? "You called his name out and kept saying how sorry you were over and over again." He said and I was stunned. I didn't even know I was speaking. I thought I was just lost in my head, taking another punishment for what I had done all those years ago and for being a coward tonight. I didn't respond and he called to me again. "Harry, who is Louis."

As I opened my mouth to respond, I never got the chance. "I am," was heard from the lift. I froze up. It was him. He never left. As I stood to try to get my clothes on, he stepped out. Blue met green. The last thing I remember is Zayn screaming my name and Louis standing with his mouth open in shock as everything went black.

Flashback (somewhat)

"Babe," Louis called out for me. I ran into the room and saw him spread out on my bed. I crawled up and kissed him before lying beside him. I loved him so much. I gathered him in my arms and pulled him close. He was my world. I could not think of what my life would be like. I didn't want to. I was in love with Louis and he was all I needed. (flashback ends) Suddenly, everything got blurry and we were back at school in the bathroom. Louis was being dunked in the toilet and slapped on the wet skin of his face when he was brought up. I was so scared. I began screaming for them to stop. I couldn't move. I kept screaming for him. I begged them to stop. Louis called out to me. When he said my name everything stopped and seemed to fast forward. We are now in a church. It seems to be a funeral. I know there is no one in our family that has passed so this was strange to me. I began to walk down and noticed I was in handcuffs and my feet were shackled. The policemen escorted me to the front. As I approached the casket, my heart dropped and I began to scream. It was Louis. "No, no, no, no, no!" I began to chant. As I went to turn away, I heard Louis call my name. It couldn't be. He was dead. Presumably because of me. I turned slowly to see Louis sitting up in the casket. His eyes were black holes and his skin was pale. "This is all your fault, Harry. I loved you and you let me die. Why didn't you save me, Harry? Why?" he kept repeating over and over again. All I could do was repeat I am sorry over and over again. I was screaming it and sobbing into my hands. I fell down on my knees as Louis began to come out of the casket towards me. I looked around and everyone had vanished. There was only me and a supposedly dead Louis approaching me slowly with both his hands out as if to grip my neck.

When he got in front of me, he grabbed my neck and began to choke me. "I will let you feel what I felt." He said to me in a venomous voice. My body was suddenly engulfed in excruciating pain. I cried out. The pain and hurt in my heart were unbearable. Tears streamed down my face as my body received bursts of gut-wrenching pain. I reached out to Louis to help me and he backed away. "Now you see what I felt." Is all he said before everything went black.

I gasped and sat up in the bed. The bright light blinding me. I took in my surrounding and realized I was not in my room. I was in the hospital. All the events of the night came rushing back to me and I began to cry. Soon the doctor came in along with a nurse and gave me sedatives to calm me down. I was strapped down to the bed because I was kicking and they wanted to make sure I stayed safe. "What happened?" I asked the doctor once the medicine kicked in. "You went into shock, Mr. Styles and an ambulance was called. Now you are here." The doctor replied. Now we need you to get some rest. You apparently had a terrible nightmare just now. You were kicking and screaming before you awoke. We left to retrieve this medication and you were awake when we came back in just now. We think you had a psychological break. We have to run more test to be sure. You will be here for a few hours. For now, we need you to rest." I nodded my head to the doctor and drifted off to sleep shortly, thinking of Louis.

When I woke from my nap, I groaned. I blinked my eyes rapidly to adjust to the light. A typical morning I thought to myself. Once I opened my eyes, I looked around the room noticing I was still in the hospital. When I looked to my left, I nearly died. My heart monitor started beeping rapidly. My breath got short and I began to sweat. Louis was sat beside my bed watching me. I could not run and hide. I had to stay there strapped down to the bed with the only person I ever loved looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I closed my eyes hoping I was dreaming, but when I opened them he had moved and was standing near the bed. "Hello Harry," he said. I knew I had to face my demons and there was nothing I could do to escape this time.

Fuck my life!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, I decided to post early. I am so excited for this story. So maybe I will be posting early sometimes. My normal post date will be Saturday. I may still post again tomorrow, but I am not sure. I am writing this from scratch. There is no outline. It is just me and my laptop. I prefer writing like this.
> 
> Anyway, pls like and comment. I would appreciate it. I just want to know how many like my story. I think it is going pretty well, yeah? One more thing, as for the 2nd flashback, only the first part was from the past. The rest was not. Hopefully you understood it when you read it, lol. THANKS GUYS!! <3
> 
> Question of the week --
> 
> 1.What do you think will happen now that Louis and Harry are face to face?
> 
> 2\. What did you find interesting about this chapter?


	4. Forced To Face Your Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis finally talk about the past after nearly 10 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, a new chapter is up. I hope you enjoy it. Harry and Louis finally talk. It was a bit hard to write this with the abuse Louis’ character went through. There are still some sad parts to come, but hopefully, you will stick with me until the end. It will be worth it I promise. Please like and comment!!

I couldn’t get away. Louis was here, standing by my bedside. He was looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I can’t imagine what is going through his mind right now. All I know is that I want as far away from this moment as possible. It is too much. I still love him so much after all these years, but I blew it. I fucked up. I was a shit boyfriend in the end and he deserved better than me all those years ago. Anyone else would have protected him. I was too worried about what my friends would think of me and what they would do to me if I reacted. Now, I am still caught in the downward spiral I was left in when he left me for good.

I was devastated to find out he left. Not only because I still loved him, but because I never got to say goodbye or anything for that matter. It was completely my fault. I had plenty of time to do so. A whole year I could have to be exact. I never did. Then I literally cried when I found out he was gone. However, I knew it was for the best and I learned to move on. Sadly, as hard as I tried, I could not forget. I will never forget.

“Harry,” Louis said again looking at me a bit expectantly. I couldn’t speak. My mouth was dry and I was starting to feel panicked. “Are you alright? I only wanted to make sure you were ok. I also thought maybe we could talk a bit. It has been quite a while.” Louis said shuffling on his feet.

I could only stare at him. His eyes were still so captivating. Despite what happened to him, he was breathtaking. His eyes could still entrance me. I really need to, but I can’t look away. I am just here staring into his eyes like a creep. Fuck, he is smiling now. I have to get out of here. I need my pills. I can’t handle this on my own. I can already feel myself slipping. Why is he here? Maybe he wants to hurt me like I allowed them to hurt him. Why is he smiling? I need someone to walk in. Fuck, he is getting closer to the bed now. I am gonna scream! Wait.. w-what is he doing? He is reaching out to me. His smile is gone now. I do the only thing I can. I scream for help.

“Harry, mate are you alright?” Louis asks as he takes my hand. I began to beg him, “Please don’t hurt me, Louis. I am so sorry. I am, so so sorry. I should have done something. I should have made them stop. Please forgive me. I-I….!” “Harry, I would never hurt you. What are you on about mate?” he asked me with confusion in his eyes. I just began to cry. I had so many emotions running through me and I could not take it any longer. Louis cautiously wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me tight. I couldn’t believe after all I had done, he was trying to comfort me.

“Is everything alright in here?” I heard someone ask as the door burst open. “Oh, I’m sorry. I will leave you two alone.” The nurse said as she closed the door. Louis pulled away asking if I was alright. I nodded my head slowly and he sat down on the side of the bed just watching me. It is finny how I didn’t find it creepy. He really looked concerned. As soon as I found my voice I asked why he was here. No one else was. Not even my best friends. I was taken from the club so they know I am here. No one came. Except for Louis.

“So,” I try to make conversation. “Yeah,” he says in reply. This isn’t getting anywhere.

We just sit in silence until he asks something I never knew he questioned. “Did you ever love me, Harry,” he asked and looked down to his lap. I could hear a small quiver in his voice and I felt so low. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I didn’t have that right anymore. Not only that, but I was strapped down to this fucking bed like an animal.

“Yes,” was my simple reply. I couldn’t bring myself to say more. I wanted to tell him I still did. I wanted to tell him how he is on my mind every day. I wanted to tell him how my life changed that day and has been going down ever since. I wanted him to know how much my heart still aches and how I would do anything to take it back. However, not much of that matters now. He won’t care. I let him down and now he is gone forever. Besides, it has been nearly 10 years since. He has moved on I am sure of it.

“I have some things I want to say,” Louis said and broke me away from my thoughts. “Please just listen to me and then I won’t ever bother you again.” That hurt so much to hear from him. I wanted nothing more than for him to be near me. If only I could turn back time and make things right. If only I had said something or stopped them that day. “It is what it is, Harry. What’s done is done. Just hear me out please.” He said and my breath hitched. I said all that out loud. Fuck my life.

“I loved you so much, Harry. You know that. I never wanted anything more than to spend the rest of my life with you. We always talked about that, remember?” he asked and I nodded. He continued saying, “Everything was good for almost to years. We were so happy. I wished we could be out and proud together but I knew we couldn’t. I understood that and I would not change it for the world. I enjoyed every moment I spent with you and I will never forget it.” My eyes began to tear up and a single tear fell down. He just watched it run down my cheek before continuing.

“That day, your friends had come up to me in the hallway when we were texting. They snatched my phone away and began reading the texts. When Lukas’ eyes widened and he began to look angered, I knew I was done for. I tried to run, but Troy tripped me and I fell to the floor on my face. I grabbed my nose and shrieked in pain. It was bleeding badly but they didn’t care. They just dragged me off to the bathroom. No one tried to stop them. They were saying such cruel things to me. They said it was my fault you thought you were gay. They said I corrupted you and that they were gonna make me pay. They said they were going to kill me.” He let out a shaky breath. I was a mess right now, but that didn’t matter. He needed to get this off his chest and I would remain quiet and let him finish no matter how much it hurt me.

He sniffled a bit and gave a bitter laugh before saying, “I silently prayed you would come, H. I prayed so hard you would come and save me from those homophobic idiots. I was so happy when you finally burst into the bathroom. I didn’t want to call out to you. I didn’t want to admit to anything even though they already knew. You looked so afraid. I know you wanted to help, but you didn’t.” His voice began to crack a bit on the end. He began to cry as he continued. “I was being beaten and slowly drowned and I was worried for you. Can you believe that?” I just hung my head as much as I could. I could not meet his gaze. He was staring at me intently with silent tears streaming down his face. “How could you not stop them Harry?! Why did you let them kill me?! I know you were afraid, but enough was enough! You watched everything. You let them beat me repeatedly! Kicking me, punching me, spitting on me, slapping me repeatedly! You let them crush my part of my skull in the toilet bowl. You let them drown me. Fuck, Harry! Why the fuck didn’t you save me? Why didn’t you save me?” he kept asking.

All I could do was cry. I wanted to save him, but I was afraid. I have never felt as bad about all of this as I do right now. Seeing him so broken. I couldn’t hold him. I couldn’t tell him I loved him. So I said the only thing I could say, “I’m sorry.” He looked up at me. His body was wracked with sobs. The look of hurt on his face was unbearable. The looked soon turned to confusion and then to pure anger and malice.

“You’re sorry? That is all you can say, Harry? Are you sorry? Do you know what the fuck I went through? I am still not over that shit! Not only did you literally let them kill me, afterward I was not breathing and unconscious, you felt guilty and called for help. Why couldn’t you do that before it escalated? Do you know the pain I was in? You just fucken watched, Harry. You watched!! I thought you loved me, Harry. I really did. Well, more to say, I thought you loved me as much as I loved you. I could have never let anyone hurt you like that. Let alone watch it until I just couldn’t anymore.” His voice had turned so cold. His eyes were blank. He was staring at me with no emotion whatsoever. It was as if I was less than nothing. I couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t stop. He continued clearing his mind of everything he had held for so long while I remained speechless as he asked.

“You are a fucking coward, Harry. Not even because of what you let your friends do to me, but because of what you didn’t do after everything was over.” He said. I was very confused, but I didn’t dare speak. I was really afraid of him at this point. If I opened my mouth, I don’t think anything would come out. He raised his hand to his face to wipe his tears away, and I flinched. I was scared shitless. He could do anything to me at this point and I would have to take it because I couldn’t move. He only looked at me and shook his head. I have never felt so low. I just wanted to die. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I just want to disappear.

Louis cleared his throat before continuing saying, “I survived Harry. The paramedics revived me and they told me how lucky I was. I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t move anything on my body. Everything hurt. By the time I was assessed at the hospital, they had to sedate me because of all the pain. I was put into a medical coma for two weeks so my body could heal. When I was brought back, I found out about my injuries. I had five broken ribs, a broken nose, a busted lip, my right knee was fractured, three of my back teeth on the right side were knocked out, my skull was fractured, and my vision in my right eye was foggy. Can you even imagine that Harry? Even after they woke me up, I still had a long way to go. I had to miss the rest of the school year. I was kind of glad though. I didn’t want to be the center of attention. Well, at least I got popularity, right? Popularity is so important right?” he sneered at me.

I opened my mouth to answer both questions but nothing came out. “Still don’t know why you are a coward huh? I’ll tell you.” He said in a cold tone that sounded more hurt than anything. “You never spoke to me again. You never said one word to me. When I left the hospital, all I wanted was you. I found out you were in prison for not stopping the torture and I cried. I cried for you, Harry. I didn’t want you in jail. I loved you. Even after what happened, I still loved you! I still loved you, and you ignored me when you came back! You walked past me every day and acted as if I didn’t exist. I knew it wasn’t because you didn’t want anyone to know anymore because everyone knew. Everyone knew we were together and what you basically allowed your friends to do to me. I gained so many friends when I was able to return to school. I mean real, true friends. They told me I should not try to talk to you and let you approach me. So I didn’t.” he dropped his head as he searched for the words he wanted to say. He looked back at me and I sighed. He looked like he could kill.

“You fucking ignored me, Harry. I was so sure you would come to me and we could have worked it out. I loved you so much.” His voice was escalating and he screamed, “You kicked me out of your life and pushed me away! You didn’t even let me have a say in it! You made stupid assumptions and threw away everything we had! I hate you for that! You were still every thing to me, Harry! We were supposed to be together forever Harry! I never changed the way I felt about you until I just had to give up. That was why I never returned for my final year. I had to move away. I couldn’t bear looking at you! You disgusted me because of how you let our love slip away. You just made the decision for us. If you didn’t want me, you should have so! Then we could have had closure! I walked around broken for so long. I thought I could never get over you. I still waited for you. All the pointless dates, sleepless nights, the medications, and just everything I tried to do to forget you all proved in vain. Nothing worked.” He was breathing so heavily, I thought he would pass out. Then he killed me saying, “Then I met Josh two years ago,” and he looked down at his hand. I looked down to find where he was gazing, and I knew I was going to die. He was twisting a small diamond ring on his finger. He smiled a small smile that left me a bit wary and said, “Now after all the bullshit I’ve been through, I’m engaged.”

I think if anyone had walked into the room at that point they would have assumed I was a fish out of the water. Why was I so shocked? Did I actually think he would wait for me? It has been so long and I never tried to contact him. I never tried to do anything but keep moving hoping to one day forget. I had everything wrong. He still wanted me. He still wanted me! And I blew it. I fucked up everything like I always do. I still want forever with him. I want him to forgive me and let me take him in my arms and give him the world. However, I know that won’t happen. He is finally happy and I am glad for him, even though my heart hurts. I deserve it. I deserve to fill pain.

Louis just sat there twirling his ring around looking at nothing. I took it he was done talking, so I finally found my voice and thought I should speak. I didn’t even know where to begin. What could I even say to begin to try to heal some of what has been broken? I didn’t know where to start, so I went to the beginning.

“When I first saw you at the end of my freshmen year, I knew I had to have you. You were so beautiful. No one knew I was gay, but I didn’t care. I knew we would have to be in secret, but if you would be ok with it then so would I. I remember when I approached you, you were so shy. I knew then how fragile you were, and I promised myself I would always protect you. Then, when we started dating after my stubborn persistence one month later, I was over joyed. I had never felt anything like it. Sure, I had dated girls as well as kissed many, but it felt nothing like when I kissed you the first time. It was as if time stood still. I had already fallen so hard for you, Blue.” Louis’ head shot up at me and he glared. Realizing what I said I cleared my throat and said, “Erm, I mean Louis. Sorry for that.” He looked away and turned away from me a bit in his chair. I felt so low. How could I let that slip? Most importantly, why did it affect him?

I chose to ignore it and continued telling him, “I was your first time. I will never forget that night. It was such a special time. You were so afraid and I kept reassuring you and telling you we could wait. You wouldn’t listen. It had been almost 8 months and you said you were ready to move on to the next level. I remembered telling you there were no levels. That there was only us, what we wanted to do, when we wanted and felt ready to do it. You looked at me and smiled and kissed me so gently. I always melted under your touch, Louis. I couldn’t get enough of it. Your hands were always so soft and they always fit perfectly with mine.” Louis looked like he could remember these things all too well. He tried to hide the occasional tears that were falling down his face. If only I could hold him one last time I thought to myself.

“I knew my friends were suspicious of us. I could hardly hide my fond when I looked at you. They even asked me repeatedly about it. I was even asked the day before they… they…,” I trailed off unable to finish that sentence. He looked up at me. He was surprised and looked a bit angered. “They asked you?” she shouted to me. “Did you tell them we were…” I shook my head vigorously in response. “I would have never done that Louis. I would never!” I nearly shouted back at him. Now I was angry. How dare he think I would do that to him. “You would never tell them we were together, but you would let them kill me, yeah?” he spat back at me. I couldn’t respond. What would I even say?

We just sat there in silence for what seemed like forever. Eventually, he said he had to leave. His fiancé would be waiting for him and be wondering where he has been. I was surprised. He had not been home all this time. I never knew he was here when I awoke the first time from my nightmare. He just looks so tired and run down now. He was no longer looking vibrant as he was in the club while he danced.

“Well, I guess I’ll see ya around. You know, with the movie and all. Otherwise, have a nice life, Harry.” He said with a hint of sadness in his voice for some reason. There was so much I wanted to say but I couldn’t, so I just settled for a, “Yeah, you do the same.” He looked at me confused and I realized what I responded. I could feel the heat of embarrassment rising up my neck and I know my face was a bit pink. Any other time it may have been cute, but under these circumstances, it seems misplaced. He chuckled a bit and shook his head. “I missed your laugh,” I found myself saying. “I never stopped loving you, Louis. Not even until this day. My life is shit and I wish I could go back and change everything. I have been taking meds for eight years to keep me sane. I can’t forget. I still have nightmares. I deserve it. I deserve every bit of pain in my life. I don’t deserve happiness. Failed relationship after failed relationship.” I kept talking. I thought he had left but he was there at the door listening.

So I continued saying, “I have missed you every day. Every day, Louis. Every day since this happened I have missed you. When I saw you again, I couldn’t come to you. I wanted to so badly. I didn’t deserve you. You deserved better. You needed someone who would protect you and not freeze up when you needed them the most. I let them kill you, Louis. Fuck! Louis, why? Why the fuck did I do that? I loved you so much! I loved you with everything I had in me, yet I did nothing. I watched them beat you and drown you! I am a fucking coward. I deserve to die.” I said as I realized I was thrashing around in the bed.

“Harry,” Louis yelled to me rubbing a soothing hand on my arm to try and calm me. He whispered soft words of comfort to me and I slowly began to calm down. Breathing was getting easier. My limbs felt heavy and I just let them fall to my sides. Louis continued to brush my hair back and looking into the green that was looking right back into the blue. “I am so sorry, Louis. I promise I will make it right. I don’t want to hurt anymore and I don’t want you to hurt anymore.” “Hazza,” he replied which was obviously an unrecognized slip. “I am not hurt anymore. I was never upset with you over what happened. I was upset because it happened and you let it tear us apart.” “I hope one day you can forgive me, Louis. I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much. Even right now. No one compares to you. No one ever has and no one ever will. You are my first and only love. There will never be another Lou.” I said.

I started to feel drowsy. I looked to my left and realized the doctor had come in and was putting something in my drip. I assume it was to make me sleep. When he left, I looked back to Louis. Louis looked sympathetically at me. “Your eyes are so beautiful Lou. I wish I could gaze at them forever. I hope Jeff realizes what he has and doesn’t fuck it up like I did. Fuck, Louis. I love you so much.” I could barely keep my eyes open. “I promise I will make it right Louis. All the pain you went through, I will pay for.” “What do you mean, Harry?” he asked shaking me a bit. “All of it,” I respond. “I was a coward at saving your life, but not with taking mine.” The last thing I heard was Louis screaming my name and I could feel him shaking me before sleep took me. My last thoughts being that now, I am even more fucked up after this talk. The comfort was in knowing it will all end soon enough. He will know one day soon I am not a coward.

Fuck life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. If so pls like and comment!! 
> 
> The question of the week: What do you think Louis was feeling listening to Harry’s drugged up speech?


	5. Who Would've Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look from Louis' pov and a little background info.

Louis’ POV  
I am still at the hospital. I want to leave. Well, I think I want to leave, but I can’t. Something is holding me here. I don’t know if it is the last words he spoke before the drugs took him under, or whether it is because something else. I was so shocked when he said he still loved me. I never would have thought he did. He seemed as though he didn’t all those years ago after the incident. He never spoke to me again and barely even looked at me. That hurt more than any blow I had received. 

After I left to another school, I went through so much. I nearly committed suicide 3 different times. The first time my mom found me. It was my senior year and not long after I had finally left Harry behind. The second time was about six years ago. I was seeing Harry everywhere. He was in magazines, newspapers, he was on a fucking billboard, and he was on television sometimes. He was very successful and I was very proud of him, but it felt like a stab in the back. He had just moved on and was not affected by anything. Everything I had believed proved true to me seeing him moving forward. I was crushed. How could he be doing so well while I am still dying in side?

All I saw was smiles and pap pics of him going out on dates and things of that nature. I could not even stand to let anyone touch me. All I did was thought about him as much as I tried not to. That all began to somewhat change a couple of weeks later. I was swimming in a public pool. Me and a couple of friends were just messing about and doing a bit of swimming. They decided to head home after a couple of hours but I stayed. I had some plans.  
The pool area began to get a bit empty around 7 pm. I decided to take one last swim. I swam around the pool one last time thinking over the events of my life. So much had happened. All my thoughts led back to Harry. I still loved him so much but I was tired. I was tired of letting thoughts of him run circles around my life. I had to make it stop; all the hurt and all the pain. 

I got out of the water and sent texts to the group chat I had with my friends to have a few lasts laughs, as well as sending texts to my family just to say I love you to them one last time. I had thought this over and over. I didn’t want to live anymore. The pain was too much and I could not escape it no matter how hard I tried. With one final look around, I slipped into the deep end of the pool trying to go unnoticed by the few remaining swimmers.  
As my lungs began to become strained, I thought of Harry. I thought of my family and friends. I thought of Harry. I thought of how everyone would feel when they found out about what I had done. I thought of Harry. As my eyes began to flutter closed it was Harry I saw behind my eyelids. He was just standing by watching me like he did that day so long ago. 

Just as I felt I was about to black out, strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me out. I began to scream, “No! Let me die please. I want to die!” I kicked and screamed as I was pulled to the surface and out of the water. That was when I saw him. He was so handsome. I couldn’t stop staring at him. He had the most beautiful pouty lips, short curly hair just over his ears, and he had green eyes with what appeared to be gold flecks in them. He was breathtaking. Just then I noticed his mouth was moving. “Excuse me? I’m sorry. Could you repeat that>” I asked him still a bit out of breath but not only from near drowning. “I was asking if you were ok. I am Josh Devore,” he said to me. “I am ok,” I responded to him. “I am Louis. Louis Tomlinson.” “Well Louis, I think you need to stay out of the deep end, yeah?” he said with a bit of an amused tone. Although this was not the time for joking about, I found my self smiling aand nodding my head. 

From that day Josh and I became friends. We spent quite a bit of time together when we were not working. I worked at a local dance studio and he was a lifeguard at the public pool as well as a bartender at a local pub at night. After about three months of being friends, and a whole lot of flirting, he finally asked me out. At first I said no, I found myself comparing him to Harry so much and I couldn’t stop it. He reminded me so much of Harry in physical features, but his personality was nowhere near his. He didn’t do things like Harry did. He was not as witty, he didn’t have the beautiful laugh Harry had, he wasn’t as beautiful, and he didn’t make me feel like Harry did. However, at least I wouldn’t be alone. Besides, having Harry was out of the question and I was tired of being alone. I had someone I enjoyed being with and I was happier than I had been in a long time. So I agreed to the date.

Everything was going well for the first few months of us dating. Neither of us were in a rush for full on sex, but we did other things. At first I couldn’t because I had only been with Harry and memories would always come flooding back. I would always tell Josh it was just memories from a bad time in my life. I could never tell him I was thinking of my ex. Finally, one day I decided to just go for it. 

We were having a movie night and we were watching a romcom. I snuggled in close to him. He was a good five inches taller than me, so I fit snuggly into his side. He leaned his head over onto the top of my head. After a few minutes, I slowly turned and straddled his lap and we just sat looking into each other’s eyes for a bit. I slowly leaned in. The kiss started off slow and it felt so good. I slowly began to grind down on him. He let out a low groan whispering, “Baby.” Taking that as a good sign, I began to grind down harder and kissed down his jaw onto his neck. He held his head back and continued to moan and grunt as he ground up on me to meet my hips. It felt so good. I had not had this feeling in so long. Not since him. 

As we got closer to our climax we began to speed up and become a bit more aggressive. It had been years since I had been this intimate with someone and I felt like I was floating away a bit. “Ah, fuck babe,” I said pulling Josh in for another kiss as I grinded down even harder. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum babe. Ah!” I squeaked out and regrettably screamed Harry’s name as I looked into Josh’s eyes. I went placid as well as Josh. I was mortified. I could not believe I let that slip. I tried to explain to him but he wouldn’t listen. He got up, went to the bathroom to clean himself up, and then he left my flat. I did not hear from him for almost a month. I was devastated. Not long after he left me, I saw on the entertainment news that Harry was dating someone called Carrie Woods. They had a lot of pics on the screen of their night out. He looked so happy. He looked as if everything was ok and he was living life to the fullest. If only I knew then what I know now, maybe there would have been another chance for us. Sadly now, it is too late.

I called Josh for the thousandth time and he finally answered. I began to apologize profusely. Harry was the furthest from my mind for the first time in years. I pleaded with Josh to meet me and for us to try again. I wanted him. I really did. He made me happy. That is all I ever wanted. Someone I could fall in love with that would make me happy. I was not in love with Josh, far from it actually, but I believed it would come soon enough.

The next time we were intimate, it was beautiful. I did not have one thought of Harry. Not even when we made love for the first time two months later. Josh was so loving, and he was so careful with me. He told me he loved me that night. I said it back to him after a bit of thought. Little did he know, I never meant it. Everything was going well for us and time flew by. We were so close it was as if he could read my thoughts.

We moved in together after about a year and a half. We had a beautiful two bedroom flat. Not long after, I heard about the auditions for the new movie that Jayzon Blummer was getting dancers for. Josh encouraged me to go. I never told him about Harry being my ex. I didn’t think it was necessary. Neither of us had ever spoken about our past relationships. So I didn’t feel I needed to now.

I was so nervous when I first got to the club. I was outside for nearly three hours when I first got there before I was able to go in for my tryout. The club was beautiful. Harry had really outdone himself. It was way better than what he had envisioned all those years ago. I was so happy to see that he had lived out his dream. I remember how we would talk for hours on end about our dreams. When he told me he wanted to have one of the most successful clubs in LA, I was a bit shocked. Everything we had drawn out together was here. The way the setup was different from your average club. It looked more amazing than anything we could have drawn or ever imagined. I was so happy for him. I just wished things were different so we could have been living our dreams together. Oh well.

When I finally began to dance, I could feel so many eyes on me. I knew Harry was watching me. However, I knew he could not tell who I was or he would turn away. When I finally got the call that Mr. Styles wanted me for a call back I nearly fainted. Not because it was Harry, but because I got a call back. Also, it was kind of flattering how he wanted the man to let me know that I was his pick. “If only he knew who I was,” I thought to myself. I wondered if I would have still got the call back.

It was requested that I stay and dance until the end so I did. I was a bit flushed by the time it ended. However, I became even more flushed when I was told I had to go up to Mr. Styles office. Well, that is until I looked up and Harry noticed it was me. His face paled and my heart sank. It had been almost nine years since we had seen each other. I kind of understood his surprise, but to look completely sick hurt me a bit.

By the time I got to his office, I was surprised he was not there. I saw the other door and Jayzon began to knock to get him to come out but Harry ignored him. I wanted to cry. I began to tell Jayzon about my past while answering questions he had for me. I couldn’t stop the few tears that I shed. Luckily, it was nothing like it would have been if I had never met Josh. He had helped me to get past my past. Even though, right now, it was coming back and crashing into me like waves. 

Soon, the meeting was over and I was asked to return the next night for the auditions as well as on Friday for the call back. Jayzon felt having me there would make people up their dance game and bring out their best. He said I was like a professional and one of the best he had ever seen. I was very flattered. He rode down in the lift with me but I couldn’t get Harry off my mind. I wanted to see him so bad. I still felt drwn to him. I knew he was there and I could not leave without seeing him. When I went to the bar to grab a quick drink, the dj said he would be back in a few moments. He put on some pre-recoreded mixes and made his way up to Harry’s office. Not long after, I saw Harry stand and walk towards the man. I quickly turned away and decided to give them some privacy. I couldn’t really see anything, as they went to the couch. After about half and hour, I decided to go up to his office again. If he was busy or talking privately, I would see him another time. 

What I heard when I stepped off the ligt and approached the office door had me shook a bit. I could clearly hear a deep grunting noise and I could hear Harry moaning and saying my name faintly. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to leave but I couldn’t. He said my name multiple times and I thought I could hear him apologizing to me even though I was not in there.

Once everything silenced after I heard Harry shout my name and the other guy saying Harry’s name, I felt sick. Why was Harry saying my name and calling out for me during an orgasm. I thought he never thought about me and had moved on. I heard the guy asking him who I was because Harry had been calling out to me. Harry did not answer. I heard the guy pressing the lift button and noticing it was there, he opened the door. “Who is Louis?” He asked Harry with no response again. “I am,” I said as I stepped into the door way. Blue slowly met green. Harry pointed at me and the guy looked over at me. Harry trying to get dressed, standing there staring at me with his mouth agape, tear stains on his cheeks, and looking like he was seeing a ghost. However, when our eyes met he began to shake. He reached out trying to grab hold of something to prop himself, but there was nothing but air. The guy tried to catch him but he failed and Harry hit the floor. He was out.

“What the fuck just happened?” The guy asked me. I could only stand there in complete shock. I didn’t know what to think. Why did this happen? I could tell just from that moment that Harry was not as “ok” as I thought he was. We called for an ambulance and the guy I had learned was called Zayn said he couldn’t leave because he had to get back to the booth. I slowly agreed to go against my better judgement. I didn’t want my presence to cause Harry anymore stress. When we arrived at the hospital, Harry was still out. He woke about half an hour later. The doctor went in to speak with him and they sedated him again. They told me he would be out for a bit, but I could go in if I wanted. I decided to go to the cafeteria for a tea and maybe some type of sandwich or pastry. I was a bit hungry. When I got back, Harry was still out of it.

About two hours later, Harry woke up. He looked around the room and he had not noticed me yet. Finally, he turned his head to the opposite side and saw me. Panic arose on his face again. He thought I wanted to hurt him and yelled for help while apologizing profusely to me. I hugged him tight and he calmed down. Then nothing. We were both silent for a while. He kept opening his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Finally he merely said, “So.” I gave a small, “Yeah,” in response. Shortly after things took a turn. I began to talk about our past as he listened intently. He never spoke as I asked, but he began to sob terribly. His body was shaking and I was afraid but I couldn’t stop. I began to yell as I became angry with the situation all over again. He was not taking it well.

As I began to talk about not having closure and how I had still loved him, he looked at me in shock through his tears. My breathing was erratic and I was beginning to feel a bit lightheaded. However, I needed to say everything I had in me to say. When I told him about Josh, he seemed like he wanted to die. His face lost all of its color and he just stared at me with his mouth opening and closing. I am not sure what he wanted to say, but he seemed to be genuinely surprised I had moved on. It was a very awkward moment for me.

After a bit of silence, Harry began to talk. He talked about when we first met and a few other things. It did bring tears to my eyes but I tried to suppress my emotions as best as I could. I had moved on and I should not be crying over lost love. I didn’t understand why it affected me so much. Then he called me Blue. I was dying on the inside, but he quickly took it back when I glared at him. I had to keep up my walls. I couldn’t let him back in at all. I had to keep him at a distance.

He continued on talking about our first time. It was so beautiful as I thought of the memories. Harry was so gentle with me. I have never had another touch as soft as his. I found myself wanting it again but I had to pull myself back again. I had turned a bit in my chair so I would not be facing him anymore already. Small tears crept down my face out of my control. I tried to hide them but I know he saw. He made a comment about his friends questioning him about us the day before they did what they did to me. I basically accused him of telling them about us and he said he would never do that. I responded in a question saying, “But you would let them kill me though?” He didn’t speak again. He let his words end there for now.

I told him after a brief silence that seemed like forever that I had to go. I chuckled a bit at something he said, I can’t really remember what it was now. He then said he missed my laugh and began talking again as I stood by the door. He then started saying he loved me still. I was so shocked. He apologized for what happened and said that he had been through hell these past years. He told of his failed relationships, his medications, the nightmares, and all of this is still going on. He talked about when he saw me again at school after the incident. He said he wanted to talk to me but he felt I deserved better.  
I could see the pain in his eyes as he spoke. He then began screaming asking me why he allowed something so terrible to happen to me. He began to panic and started to yell, thrashing around in the bed. Luckily, he had restraints on so he could not hurt himself. He looked like a madman and I felt so bad that he could not let the past go and it was doing this to him. I began to sob. Seeing him like this broke me.

I ran over to him trying to sooth him but it was not working completely. Then a nurse and his doctor came in and began putting something in his drip. When he noticed, he started he looked back to me. Once they were done and out of the room, he told me my eyes were beautiful and he wishes he could gaze at them forever. He said I was his first and would be his only love. Then he said something that shook me to the core. He said that he would pay for all the pain I went through and that he would make everything right. I was confused and asked what he meant by that. He only said that he hoped Jeff treated me well and didn’t mess things up like he did. I didn’t correct him on the name as it wasn’t important at the moment. I was more concerned with what he meant about paying for my pain and making it right. 

He began to fall asleep from the meds in his drip. I shook him trying to keep him awake. I had to know what he meant by that. I was so afraid I began to yell to him and beg him to tell me what he meant. He only said, “I love you Lou. I will make it right.” Then he fell asleep.  
I fell in the chair and watched his sleeping body as I sobbed. I knew what he meant. I knew. He wanted to die. I can tell by the way he was tonight that he was not the same as he was back then. He is a completely different person. He is so panicky and anxious. Also, he would never let anyone fuck him. He is so dominant. I was looking at a completely broken man. He seemed liked he was the one who had gone through the beating. 

I felt so guilty. He has been struggling to hold it together all these years, and then I come and break him completely. “I have to help him,” I thought to myself. I have to. I will have to explain everything to Josh, but I have to help him. I just hope Josh understands. I can’t let Harry hurt himself. He doesn’t deserve that. What’s done is done and over. Everyone has paid their dues for that. 

I can’t imagine how I can help him. One thing I do know is that I can’t be in a world where there is no Harry. It would break me. One thing I realized tonight, even though I never thought of it in the past two years, is that I still love this man. I still love Harry. Now what am I going to do. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who are reading the story. Again it means a lot to me. I decided to give you a view into how Louis is feeling about all he heard from Harry. Sorry the update is a day late. I had a very eventful weekend and I was unable to post. However, it is up now so all is not lost. Please like and comment. I would really appreciate feedback from you guys! I will also be starting another story. I haven't quite got anything solid yet, but once I do I will let you know. Love you all!!
> 
> Also, please excuse any mistakes. Every time I post it is correct, then words seem to get changed after posting it. It is weird really... LOL!!
> 
> Question of the week: What do you think about Louis still confessing he still loves Harry? Do you think he will tell him?


	6. I'm Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is at his wits end. He can't can't take it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the short chapter. I needed to post something. A longer chapter is coming I promise. It will be worth the wait. I promise!! Thanks you guys who are reading. I love you all!!

Harry woke up in his bed groaning at the sunlight. “Fuck! I woke up again,” he thought to himself. Harry has been miserable. It has been nearly two weeks since he had been released from the hospital after being kept for three days. He has not been anywhere. He has been closed off from everyone; his home being his hideaway. He has been refusing calls, emails, and knocks on the door from everyone. He is sure everyone is going mad wondering if he is ok and when he will return to the club. He doesn’t have to worry though, he knows he has great staff and that Liam and Zayn will keep things in order along with the manager of the club, Perrie Edwards. She is a great manager and always does things the way Harry would. He couldn’t have chosen anyone better for the job. However, after almost a week and a half away, Harry felt it was time to return to his beautiful club. So reluctantly, he sat up to begin to prepare himself for the day. 

With the doctor choosing to keep Harry for three days, he had missed the rest of the auditions which he hated. Not that he wanted to necessarily be there for the auditions, but he did want to see Louis. “I have to see my Louis.” He thought to himself on a few occasions, only to shake his head in realization of his thoughts. He wasn’t his Louis. He belongs to Josh or whatever his name was. 

He was hurting so much after their talk. After the medicine the doctor had put into his iv wore off, Louis was gone. He had said so much in that short time before the medicine took its effect. Louis looked taken aback at his words and Harry surprised himself by his confessions. One thing he did remember better than anything was his promise to Louis to pay for his pain. Harry had thought about this a lot these past two weeks. Thoughts of Louis were beginning to drive him insane and he was more determined than ever to keep his promise. His past was back and in full swing in his mind. 

After what seemed like walking a mile, he made it to the bathroom. He had been very inactive since he left the hospital. He had barely eaten or drank anything and almost completely neglected his personal care. “I haven’t had a shower in eight days,” he thought to himself. He was in a truly pitiful state. He felt more lost and broken now than he did back then. He tried and tried to find serenity so he could make the most of his last days. He could not take life anymore. It was just to hard. As he looked in the mirror at the dark circles under his eyes and his pale, sickly looking skin he broke down. He began to sob uncontrollably and sank to the floor with his back against the wall. He wanted to die. He was going to do it. 

He thought about his past with Louis and how he could never have him again as he looked through his medicine cabinet to pick his poison. He could barely see from the thick tears filling his eyes. He began to yell out random things to no one, ripping the cabinet off the wall. He didn’t know what to do. He just screamed and cried and tugged his hair. He knew he needed help but he didn’t want it. He wanted to fix it himself the only way he knew how. Taking his own life.

Harry POV

“Why can’t you love me Louis?” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I am sorry for what I have done. I wish I could take it back. I love you Lou. I love you so fucking much,” I screamed as spit flew from my mouth and tears streamed own my face. I am a mess. I am nothing but a loser. I don’t deserve any of the good in my life when the one good thing I need, I can’t have. All I need is Louis. If I can’t have him, I can’t live. I realize that after our talk. I need him. I need him like I need air or food. I can’t have him, so I have to go. I have to leave this place. “Fuck my life!” I yelled as I grabbed the bottle of Klonopin from the floor. 

I poured two of the pills into my hand and slowly began to add more. By the time I stopped, I had nine pills in my hand. I grabbed the cup from the counter and filled it with water. I wish I could see Louis again but I can’t take it. Seeing him will only make it worse. Besides, I can’t let him see me like this. He already knows how pathetic I am. I can’t let him see me in this state. I don’t want him to pity me. I don’t deserve pity. He should hate me. He should want to kill me himself. 

Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t realize I had taken the pills. I then went to prepare a text on my phone to send out to everyone once I felt myself begin to weaken. I didn’t want to send it too soon and someone makes it here in time to call for help. “I want out. I want out. I want out!” I continued to scream as I stumbled down the stairs and fell to the couch. I reached on the table and grabbed my pen and paper. I felt my eyes begin to close and I hurriedly wrote three words on the paper that were just as true now as they were when I was in high school. “I love you, Louis. Always,” I scribbled out as best as I could as my eyes began to close for what I hoped would be the final time. 

Just as I was fading out I heard my phone begin to go off. I knew the text had sent and everyone was texting back. Maybe I am selfish for this, but I have to do what is best for me. Is it selfish of me to leave at my own will if I can’t deal with life anymore? I don’t think so. It is my life, and I’m taking it. Fuck my life!


	7. The Beginning or The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for making you wait so long. Between school and my personal life, things have just been hectic. I am back now full force. I hope you guys are still with me. Also, I am starting a new story. Well more of a continuation. It is called “Father”. Be sure to check that out as well. I will begin posting the revised story soon. Thank you all!! I love you guys!!

Harry’s POV  
I slowly open my eyes and look around. I am just lying here taking in my surroundings. It is so silent here. “Where am I?” I ask myself. Everything around me is white and there is a slight breeze blowing. The silence is deafening. Eerily so. There is no one else here. I am alone. However, I don’t feel afraid. I slowly sit up and attempt to stand. I notice I have no pain in my body and I actually have a bit of a spring in my step. I begin to walk. I have to try to find someone in this place. There has to be someone somewhere. I walk and walk but I never get anywhere. It is like I am walking in place. The scenery never changes. There is white everywhere. I am beginning to get a bit creeped out when I catch a glimpse of something. It looks like a person walking towards me. They are pretty far off. I also begin to hear faint voices that it seems like I can recognize. 

 

I shake my head and began to run. I need to get to whoever this is and find out where the hell I am. As I get closer I can tell that it is a person. It appears to be a man. He has short hair and he seems to be around my height. I stop running and wait for him to approach me. I can’t make out his face but he seems to have a body structure somewhat like mine. The voice’s I was hearing has seemed fade as the man approaches. I begin to get an uneasy feeling. I want to turn and run the opposite way away from this stranger. He is so close to me now. Why can’t I see his face? He is about 100 feet in front of me. I want to scream for help because he has picked up his pace in walking. “Who are you?” I yell out in hopes of a response. I intake a sharp breath as the guy comes to a stop right in front of me. I blink my eyes because what the actual fuck. He looks me in the eyes as I stare back into his cold black ones and he answers, “I am you.”

Louis’ POV

No matter how hard I try I can’t get Harry’s last words out of my mind. I try to focus on the dance but I can’t. We have now begun learning and rehearsing the dances for different scenes in the movie. We have been practicing in Styles Fx. This is the second week of practice and I am starting to worry about Harry. No one has seen or heard from him since he left the hospital. I have been by his house as well as some of his workers trying to make sure he is alright. He never comes to the door or answers his phone. Josh has been constantly drilling me because he doesn’t understand how I can be worried about Harry. What can I say? You never truly get over your first love right? Well, at least I hoped that was right. I don’t know any other reason that I could be so concerned with how he is. I need to see him. 

 

I had explained to Josh about who Harry was when I came from the hospital that day. He was a bit upset that I had stayed so long and demanded to know why. After I told him, he was even more angry saying I did not need to worry about how he was because he deserved whatever he got. I did not agree and I became angry. I defended Harry’s actions from all those years ago yet again, to my own surprise. Josh just shook his head and went out. When he returned he had cooled off and we sat down to talk.

 

I told him about everything. How Harry and I had the perfect relationship. I told him that the only thing bad about it was that we had to hide while we were in school. I told him Harry was my first everything. He was my first kiss, my first dance, my first relationship, my first time, and my first love. I told him we had even planned our futures together. We were going to apply to the same uni and everything. He would major in business and my major would be theater and dance. It was I had to tell about the second worse day in my life; the day I was assaulted.

 

After I was done explaining everything, he just sat there pondering things. He couldn’t understand how that would be the second worse day. He was nearly in tears and holding me tight as I cried a bit telling the story. To most people it would be the absolute worst day. Not mine though. So when he asked what was the worst way I took a breath, looked him in the eye and said it was the day I saw Harry again. He looked confusedly at me with his head to the side a bit so I began to explain. Afterwards, he just stared at me. He didn’t understand how the guy who let his friends assault me to death could have still held the same place in my heart. I couldn’t explain it to him. I didn’t understand it myself, but I knew I still loved Harry with all I had in me. It is just how it was. He had a sad expression on his face when he looked at me and without a word he stood up and left the room. We didn’t speak again until the next day and he did not hold me like he usually does when we slept. I felt cold and so down, but I still couldn’t get Harry off my mind. What the fuck is wrong with me?

 

I decided after rehearsals that I would try going by Harry’s again. It had been over two weeks and if he is still not alright he needs someone. I thought that maybe since he was still in love with me, that he would allow me to help him or at least let me in to make sure he was ok. After I finished changing and packing my things in the locker rooms, I went to find one of the boys. I had become pretty good friends with Zayn, Liam, and Niall. I had already met Zayn that first night of tryouts. He introduced me to Niall and Liam once dance rehearsals had begun. They were a group of great guys. I am glad Harry has some positivity in his life. I was not too happy that Harry and Zayn were sleeping together though. Well, at least not under the circumstances in which they were having sex. Oh well, I am not one to judge so to each to their own I guess. 

 

I told them of my plans to go and try to visit Harry when I caught up to them. Zayn said they had been texting him to see when he would return to work but they never got a response. They missed him so much. It was kind of strange to say, but I missed him too. I just really needed to see him. After my talk with the boys I called Josh and told him I would be in a little late today. He said fine he would wait up and then I headed to my car. Just as I was about to crank my car, I got a text. Looking at the screen I saw it was Josh. Ok, I just talked to him so I wanted to check to see what he wanted. I opened the text and my mouth dropped. It read, Babe! Where are you going? Is it somewhere we can go together? I really want to get out of the house for a bit XX. I immediately froze up. How could I tell him I was going to Harry’s house to visit him and alone at that? I finally texted him back after about five minutes and told him I was going to visit a friend. I knew he would text again. He knows I pretty much keep to myself and that I have few friends, if they can be called that, and I never visit them. If anything we would meet up somewhere for a coffee or tea every now and then but that was about it. 'So Harry' is all the next text said. I texted back yes and he texted back, Fine. I might be here when you return. If not I will see you when I get back. I didn’t reply. I don’t understand how he could be this way. He knew Harry was my past and that I was no longer with him. Josh knows I love him. He literally saved my life and brought me back from hell and helped me to find myself again. How could he think so low of me?

 

As I was driving, my phone went off again. I didn’t even look. I knew it was Josh because I had not texted him back again. I did not want to fight about this. I really didn’t. I decided to just read the text after I pulled in Harry’s driveway. Harry’s house came into view and my text alert sounded again. “Fuck Josh. What the fuck!” I thought to myself getting a bit angry. I hurriedly pulled in Harry’s driveway. His car was still parked in the same spot it was when I came just after he was released from the hospital. It made me so sad. He had no one. He wouldn’t let anyone in and he has just been sitting here alone I am sure of it.  
I decide to check my messages from josh before I go to knock on the door. I got a huge shock when I saw one was from Harry. I check Josh’s message first and it was just some shit I had no time for. If he wants to be insecure over nothing then let him. I opened the message from Harry and my breath hitched. It had been almost five minutes since the text was sent. I wished I had picked my phone up once it rang. My tears flowed as I read it and I began to panic at the ending. It read: 

\---- Well, I guess I should say hi first off. I want to thank all of you guys for being such good friends. You have stuck with me through hell and high water which has been my life for years. I have tried to come to terms with my past and let it go. However, I can’t. I am in love with someone who I can’t have anymore and I just can’t take it anymore. I already have my things settled and all of you will be taken care of. I love you guys. I wish you all the best life has to offer. My best has been lost and I can’t keep living a lie. I am tired of the pills. I am tired of the tears. I have cried every day without fail for over nine years. I am all cried out. I have no life. All I have is success. At night when I am cold and lonely, my success doesn’t comfort or hold me. It makes me even more miserable. Louis, this was supposed to be what we did together. Now our dreams are separate and it is all my fault. I hope you and Josh have a happy life together. I hope he realizes what he has. By the time you guys get this I will be dead. There is no need to try to make it here because it will be of no use. I am already gone. Til we meet again fellas! P.S. – Louis, I love you so much and I am so sorry. I have tried to go on without you but this is the result. You’re my everything Loubear and I will take the love I have for you in my heart with me and wait for you on the other side. Maybe we can have our happily ever after there. I told you I would pay for your pain. Now, I am. I love you. H XXXX

 

I began to panic and screamed for Harry. I jumped out of the car and ran to the door. The neighbors came out and I screamed for them to call 911. The lady ran in the house as I kept pounding on the door. I was crying uncontrollably. I could barely see. I could not get into the house and I felt nothing but despair. I decided to do the only thing I could do. I picked up the flower pot and I broke the glass on the door. I ran into the house screaming for Harry. I checked every room I came across. When I reached the living room, I caught a glimpse of curls on the couch. I ran over and there he was. He was so pale and he had lost weight. I checked for a pulse and it was very faint. I prayed the ambulance would get here in time. My cries had become screams and I could not control it. I was shaking and holding Harry’s head in my lap brushing through his curls. I began to scream things at him. How could he do this? How could he just try to leave like this? Death is never the answer for anything. After about five more minutes I heard the ambulance approaching. A few of his neighbors had also come over to see what all the commotion was. I was still sobbing into Harry’s hair and telling him how much I cared for him and begging him not to leave. The paramedics and the police had entered the house by then and were taking him out of my arms. They began strapping him to the bed and trying to find out what he had taken. I had no clue. A policeman came downstairs with a bottle and gave it to the paramedics. They gave him an injection and began checking his vitals. They were weak and they didn’t know if he would make it.

 

As they loaded him into the back I tried to get in. They would not allow me. They said only family could go with him. I screamed and said, “I am his fiance,” and then I shoved past them. I had been rubbing Harry’s head begging him not to leave me and sobbing for what seemed like hours now. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. Once they closed the doors, I looked up as they began to pull off. My breath caught in my throat. There was Josh. He was standing there on the curb with tears in his eyes. He had seen and heard it all. 

 

Harry’s POV

I blinked my eyes and took in the man in front of me. He looked as if he could be my identical twin. The only difference was the tattoo of golden angel wings he had on his neck. I had so many questions. How was this even possible? Just as I was about to ask him what the hell was going on, I heard someone crying uncontrollably. It was close yet seemed so distant. They were screaming my name as well. I would know that voice anywhere. It was Louis. How was I hearing his voice? “That is because he is trying to save you, Harry. You are not dead yet,” the doppelganger said. I shook my head in confusion wondering how that was possible. “He was on his way to your home when your text sent, Harry. He has broken into your house to get to you and help is on the way. He wants you to live Harry. He is begging for you.” He said as though it were no big deal. 

 

I turned away from him and sat down on the cold white floor. He sat beside me uninvited and began to speak. He told me that he was the ghost of who I would have been. He told me that we were in something that could be referred to as purgatory. “This is the last step before you cross over,” he stated simply. “Why am I here,” I asked him. I wanted to die. I didn’t want to go back. Go back to what? I had nothing but a few friends and two successful businesses. I had no love or life. I was alone and I deserved to die for what I allowed to happen to the one person I ever loved. He shook his head and said, “Harry, you don’t have to die. Despite you having done the unthinkable, you can still live. You were placed here because you have some decisions to make. Louis is alive and well. Your love is not lost. It is there for you. You just have to claim it. The fight may not be easy, but it is your choice to make. However, if you want to leave you can. You have fifteen minutes to decide. 

 

Louis’ POV

I had been sitting in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. They were pumping Harry’s stomach and they said once they were done I could go back. It had only been about ten minutes and the doctor came walking out. I was excited a bit and ready to go back to see Harry. I knew he would be asleep but at least I could sit with him. I never expected the words that came out of the doctor’s mouth once he reached me. “Are you the fiancé of Mr. Styles?” he asked and I slowly nodded my head. He looked down and cleared his throat. He raised his head making eye contact with me and shattered my heart. “I’m sorry sir. We lost him,” he said with remorse in his voice. 

 

I began to scream no and tears flooded my eyes and poured down my face. My heart hurt like it never had before. I grabbed the doctor and begged him to go and keep trying. “I’m sorry for you loss sir,” is all he could tell me. It was like my body shut down. I couldn’t hear and I couldn’t feel. I felt myself falling as things began to go black. However, I never hit the floor. Just as I began to black out I heard Josh faintly calling my name and shaking me. He was here and I was like this over someone I claimed to have no feelings for. Just as I blacked out, despite everything, I called for one person. Harry.


	8. What Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has decided not to fight for Louis, but will Louis' cries for Harry change his mind? Will Harry decide to stay or will he still go?

Harry’s POV

As I sat thinking about what I should do, all I could think of was Louis. Did I want to try to get him back? I wanted nothing more actually, but at the same time, I just wanted to give up. I had already caused him so much pain. My guardian angel walked before me yet again awaiting my decision. I hesitantly looked up and said, “I won’t go back. I have hurt him enough. He has found happiness and I won’t be selfish and get in the way of that.” If you love something set it free right? Sadly, this is a love that won’t be able to come back if it is true because I won’t be there to receive it.

As soon as those words left my mouth, I could see myself lying on the table in the hospital. I could hear the long beep signaling my death. Everything seemed so strange. My body looked so pale and sickly. My lips were a purplish-blue color. My eyes were closed and I looked finally at peace. I let out a puff of nothing and ran my hands through my hair. I watched as the doctors left out of the room after covering my body. Moments later, I heard wailing screams and cries. Omg, it was Louis. The doctors must have told him I was gone. He is screaming for me so loudly. I don’t understand why. He is happy with Josh and has a new life. Why is he calling for me?

The sound of his voice is tearing at my soul. After what seemed like forever, the cries died out and I felt awful. I know he would be better off and that this hurt he feels will pass. I could hear someone calling Louis’ name, but what surprised me was Louis called mine. I wanted to go to him. To hold him in my arms, but I had made my decision and it was for the best. Louis needed to go on with his life, get married, and start a family. He was in a major movie and I knew he was going to be a star. He just has to focus. I was nothing to him anyway, so he should be fine. As these thoughts went through my mind, I found that I was not completely convinced. I knew Louis still cared for me, but he was in love with someone else. That was still hard for me to believe even seeing him lying in Josh’s arms as he comforted him. Though he was unconscious, he was still so beautiful. It is sad that I caused him to be in this state. I love him so much. It was still best if I go away. He deserved so much better than me. I could never be enough for him. So why should I try just to fail?

Louis’ POV

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I was met with a sad looking Josh. He looked so hurt. I looked around to take in my surroundings and everything came rushing back to me all at once. Harry was dead. My Harry was dead. I could not believe this. Everything hurt. It hurt to think, to breathe, to even think of Harry laying cold on the table in that room caused me to burst into tears again. I broke free of Josh and ran o the room. There were two nurses inside and they looked up when I entered. They turned to each other before he looked to me and said, “We will give you a few moments alone with him before we take him away.” I just sobbed and nodded my head. She pulled the cover back from over his face and I felt like a part of me died at that moment. This was not supposed to happen. I found myself shaking Harry asking him why. Why didn’t I get there sooner? Why didn’t I call him before I went over? Why didn’t I try harder to see him? I am so angry with myself. I just lay over his body and cried.

“Why Harry? Why would you do this? I feel like a part of me left with you. I have never felt pain like this. I wish I could have gotten there sooner. Maybe if I hadn’t stopped to talk to Josh, I would have gotten to you in time. What am I supposed to do now, huh? We just found each other again and now you leave me! You are so fucking selfish, still! I am so angry at you! Why would you leave me like his? We only got to talk once and now you are gone. Fuck Harry! I hate you for doing this. This is how you pay for my pain? This is what you came up with? Well, fuck you, Harry. I will never forgive you for this, not that it matters. So many people are hurting right now Harry. How could you? What about your mom and Gemma? How do you think they feel right now? I am sure Zayn and the rest of them will be here soon. I guess I will go now. Josh is waiting for me.” I said and lowered my head as a hard sob racked through me. I looked at Harry once more before leaving and asked a question I didn’t realize until after it was out of my mouth. “Why wouldn’t you stay and fight for me.” I heard a gasp and looked to the door. Once again Josh was standing there with his hand over his mouth and tears in his eyes from my words. I could not bring myself to care. My first love was lying on the table dead, having taken his own life to do what he called ‘paying for my pain’. What he didn’t realize was that he could never pay for my pain. You can’t pay for something you don’t owe anything for. I just wished he had realized that.

I took one last look at Harry through my red, teary eyes and turned to walk out. I heard something that caused me to freeze in my tracks. It sounded like Harry called my name. I turned and ran back to the bed calling his name. He didn’t respond and I began to shake him, becoming more frantic by the second. “Harry, please. Harry, wake up, please. Don’t leave me. Please come back.” I cried over and over again. I continued to shake him and before I knew what was happening, I was being pulled away. It was Josh. He kept saying he is gone babe, just let him go. I was pushing at him frantically trying to break free. I wanted to go back and stay at Harry’s side. I could hear him calling my name. I know he is alive. He is just stuck. At least that is what I tried to tell myself.

“Let me go Josh,” I kept screaming trying to get back to Harry as he dragged me out of the room. “Harry please… Harry!” I continued to cry as Josh continued to drag me into the hallway. I pushed away from him and began to run towards the exit. I needed to get out of there. Just as I reached the doors, Anne and Gemma were coming through. They looked completely shattered. Anne saw me and held her arms out for me. On instinct, I ran into them and began to sob loudly again. All I could manage was calling for Harry over and over again as Anne and Gemma tried to comfort me. I hugged them tightly as we all stood there and cried together. I was so glad she still accepts me. She was always like a mother to me when Harry and I were together. Some things never change.

As our sobs died down, Josh walked over to me and rubbed my back. Anne and Gemma looked to me and waited for me to speak. “Anne, Gemma, this is Josh. My fiancé.” I said but the words seemed to leave a bitter taste on my tongue for some reason. However, I didn’t let it show on my face. He wrapped his arm around my waist as he shook their hands. “Lovely to meet you,” Anne said as she smiled. Gemma nodded her head and turned away. “Mom,” Gemma said. “I am going to Harry now.” Anne nodded her head and after giving me one last hug and wishing me good luck and giving me her number again, she made her way to the room Harry was in. You could hear their cries as I finally made my way out of the exit, Josh’s arms still around me as I begin to sob quietly.

As we reached the car, Josh opened my door and waited for me to get in. I felt dead inside. I plopped in the seat and swung my legs in. I rested my head against the door as it closed. I felt like complete shit and there was nothing that could change that right now. Josh made his way around to his side of the car. “Babe, you have to put on your seatbelt,” he encouraged. I made no move to. He reached over to my seat and strapped me in. Babe. Please, don’t call me babe right now. It just doesn’t feel right at the moment. Just give me some time.

We arrived home and I went to our bedroom and climbed into bed. I don’t know how I managed to still have tears left. My head ached so badly, but I could not stop my tears from falling. My chest felt like it had a hundred pound weight on it. I have never felt this way before and I don’t understand why I feel so strongly about Harry’s death. Sure he was my first for most things in my relationship life, but that was it. Yes, I loved him more than anything at one point in my life, but that was long ago. I have moved on. I have a beautiful apartment, a wonderful career, and a man who loves me to the moon and back. So why does it feel like a part of me died with Harry?

I decided to text Anne and tell her if she needed anything to let me know and to give her my love. She was such a wonderful woman. She loved Harry so much. She was always so accepting of him even when his father was not. She always encouraged him to be himself and told him to be proud of who he was. However, his father was the opposite. He would ridicule Harry for being gay and would always make me, as well as Harry, feel like our love was wrong. He always had hurtful looks and words for us whenever we were together in their home. I never liked him. He was an ass and Harry was so glad when he and Anne divorced. He was not Harry’s real dad anyway, so oh well. His real father was a caring man and he accepted Harry and me as his boyfriend. He was a great guy.

My phone began to ring a few hours later waking me from my nap and I couldn’t bring myself to get up to answer it. I just lay there. I didn’t want to do anything or talk to anyone. I didn’t want to feel anymore. I was just so sad and all I could think about was Harry. I just wanted him here. Well, not here, but at his home safe and sound. I wanted him to be resting getting ready for work the next day. It will be so strange on the days we have to be in the club and he won’t be there. What will happen to the club? I just feel like crying some more but it won’t help. Nothing will fill this void in my heart. I keep hearing Harry whispering my name. Between that and my phone ringing, I think I am going to go insane. Why do I keep hearing his voice? Is it because I know I can’t let him go? I just need it to stop before I go crazy.

My phone begins to ring again. This is the fifth time, consecutively. I turn my back to it and just then I feel a slight coolness brush over my skin. It causes the hairs on my body o stand up. “what the fuck,” I say out loud. Just then Josh comes into the room and asks why I am not answering my phone. I just shake my head as he picks it up. Before he can turn it on the ringing stops, only to start again before he has a chance to put the phone back on the table. He presses the button and says hello. He asks the person to hold on and passes me the phone. I shake my head no, not wanting to talk to anyone. He tells me it is Anne so I immediately take the phone. “Hello,” I say in a small voice. All the crying, sobbing, and pain coming through. I listen intently as she begins to speak. “Louis, can you come back down to the hospital?” She asks me. I don’t understand what is going on, but I love Anne and if she needs me I am going to her. “I will be there in about half an hour. Is that alright?” I ask. She says it is fine and I regrettably get up and shower. After I am dressed I tell Josh I am going to the hospital to meet Anne and he says he will come with. Even though there is no comfort he can offer me right now, I smile and take his hand in mine. I am glad he understands and still wants to be with me through this difficult time. I thought for sure he would bolt after what he had witnessed today with me. However, he smiled and led me to the car and we made our way to the hospital.

When we arrived I prepared myself for only God knows what. Anne had not given a specific reason for wanting me to come back. I did not need one anyway. She asked me to come, and that was all it took. Even though I had not seen her or talked to her in about three years, nothing has changed. She still always treated me the same as she had when Harry and I were together. I loved her. She was such an awesome woman. As we made our way to the entrance, I could see her sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room. Her face was red and flushed from crying. It just broke my heart to see her like that knowing it could all have been avoided. I am still so angry with Harry. I hope I dream of him tonight so I can kick his ass. I just want to beat the shit out of him. As my breathing begins to pick up, my anger taking over, Josh notices my change and squeezes my hand. I look at him and he flashed me his beautiful smile, it offers somewhat of a small comfort and I find myself a bit calmer as I finally reach Anne. She stands up saying hello and hugs me tightly. I found it a bit weird but hugged her back none the less.

She motioned for me to sit down and I did. Josh said his hello and took the seat beside me. Anne looked me in the eyes and sighed before she began to speak. “Louis, I just want to explain some things to you that you may not understand,” she said and I nodded my head in understanding. As she took my hand, she began to speak again. “Harry has had a hard life since high school. I won’t bring those bad memories up but you know what I am referring to. His life has been a literal nightmare roller coaster. Despite everything though, he went on to make something wonderful of his life. Well, to those on the outside looking in it was wonderful. However, I knew it was all a mirage. All the drinking, one night stands, failed relationships, and all the medication were signs that he was a complete wreck emotionally. He could never move on and leave the past. Although he tried his hardest, it always seemed to chase him and he could never get away. I told him many times he should find you so you two could talk about it and maybe it would help. He always said he had done enough and that he would fix it one day. I never knew this was what he meant”

I sighed and tears began to escape my eyes again. As she wiped my eyes she continued saying, “After he told me he had met you again, I thought things would get better. However, I see they only got worse. I talked to him quite a few times over these past two weeks. He tried to sound happy but I could tell there was so much underlying hurt there. He tried to mask it, but he can never hide anything from me. Well, he did hide this from me because I never saw this coming. I just wish I could have helped him more so it would not have come to this. He had seen therapists and was on medications that helped him so much. However, he did not take them recently. He told me he had stopped but that the doctor told him not to take them because they wanted to see if he could function without them. I should have known he was lying. In a way I did, but what could I do?” She began to sob and shook her head a bit. “Anyway,” she continued saying. I called you to come back for a reason and I need you to come with me.” I nodded my head and let her lead me down the hallway, afraid of what was to come. We reached the room Harry was in and my heart began to speed up. I looked at Josh not knowing what to think. He gave a small uneasy smile as if he knew something I didn’t that made him feel a bit on edge for whatever reason. Anne looked at me and pushed the door open.

The room was filled with Harry’s long-time friends from the club and they all smiled when they saw me. I smiled back as I walked in the room, not paying attention to much else. Niall and Liam came up to hug me as well as Perrie. We all had gotten pretty close these past two weeks, although I was not like that with Zayn. He was ok but we didn’t’ have that friendship like I did with the others. Anne called my name and I looked to her and walked over, still not wanting to look at the bed. As I got closer to the bed I noticed a beeping noise. I was afraid to look because I was scared I was imagining it. As I reached Anne, I heard Harry call my name. I snapped my head to look at him, and he was alive. “He came back about an hour after you left. Gemma and I were sitting by his bedside and he moved. I called the doctor in and he indeed found a heartbeat.” Anne said as tears streamed down her face. I was ecstatic, to say the least. I began to sob and I fell over Harry’s chest and begin to hug him. I was so happy at that moment. I could barely breathe I was crying so hard. Sob after sob shook my body as Anne rubbed my back soothingly.

“He is in a coma,” was the next words I heard from Anne’s mouth. I just held Harry tighter, whispering it would be alright and that I would be right here for him always. I was not even thinking as I spoke. I was just speaking from my heart. Then I did the unthinkable. I sat up and brushed my hands through his hair and whispered, “I love you.” Then I kissed him softly on his lips. I didn’t even realize what I had said and done until I heard a gasp and the room door was closed abruptly. As I turned back to look, Josh was gone. Oh shit, I just kissed Harry! What the fuck have I done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for the long wait. I know this chapter may not be the best, but it gets good from here. Thank you to those who are reading the story. I am very proud of it. I am so anxious to get the next chapter up, which WILL be this Saturday as it is supposed to be!! I promise I will start to update weekly like I said originally. So, if you like the story, please share, comment, and vote. I would really appreciate it!! Thanks, lovelies!!


	9. Even If You Can't See Me, I'm Here Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tries to cope with the way things are now. What happens when he comes back will leave him shaken and Louis calling out to him.

Louis’ POV  
I can’t believe I just kissed Harry. After Josh stormed out, I noticed everyone was looking at me. “Louis?” Anne asked looking at me confusedly. I just gave a small smile and quickly left the room. I don’t know what came over me. I just told Harry I loved him and kissed him in front of everyone; including my fucking fiancé! Why would I do that?

As I made my way out of the hospital, I didn’t see Josh anywhere. He had left me here. I kind of understand him. Well actually, I fully understand him. All these things adding up like this. I am starting to wish Harry had never come into my life again. Everything was going great. Now, my whole world is being turned upside down. I have to stay away from Harry or Josh will end up leaving me, unless he already plans to. That is what I would do if the situation were reversed. Fuck! I messed up.

I pulled out my phone and called an uber and waited in front of the hospital for them to arrive. I tried texting Josh to see what kind of mindset he was in before I went home. I am actually a bit afraid. Yeah, Josh has been rather kind to me during this whole “welcome back into my life Harry” episode, but he has been a bit distant and cold at times. I know that he knows I still have some feelings for Harry that have been brought up again. At the same time, I don’t know what he is feeling exactly. We have never really talked about it these past weeks. I know he hates Harry for what he did to me and doesn’t understand how I could welcome him back into my life so easily, but that is all. I also know he doesn’t want me to be around Harry; especially now. 

When the uber arrives, I hesitantly get in and give my address. Fifteen minutes later I was outside of our apartment. I see Josh’s car parked outside, so I know he is here. I pay the driver and slowly exit the car. All kinds of thoughts are going through my head. I hope he is not angry, but who wouldn’t be. I don’t know what to expect when I open the door and it frightens me a little. I have never been afraid to be around Josh, until now. He is the love of my life and I am his. I hope I am still anyway. The sad thing is, he is not my only love. Josh is my heart and has taken care of me and helped me get to where I am now. Without him, I would be dead. He saved me and showed me life is worth living no matter how bad things are. Then, the man who caused it all is back and has slipped through a crack I let in the wall I built around his memory, and has found his way to my heart again. No, I am not in love with Harry but there are feelings there. Memories of us together are starting to come back. I need to get control of myself before something happens.

I finally enter the lift to get to our floor. When I finally get off on the 28th floor, it is like walking the green mile. My hands get clammy and I begin to sweat a bit. As I stick the key in the hole and unlock the door, I take a deep breath. Josh is not in the living room and I take a sigh of relief thinking I have time to catch my breath and calm my nerves a bit before I see him. I close the door and begin to make my way to the couch. Just then, Josh comes storming in the room with an unreadable expression on his face. He comes and stands in front of me and grabs me by both my shoulders in a tight grip. I am sure there will be bruising later. I look at him with fear in my eyes and he just yanks me forward into his chest. His eyes are dark and I can’t figure what he is thinking.  
“J-Josh, p-pl-please let me go,” I say with a shaky voice. He doesn’t. He only holds me tighter, staring into my eyes. 

Harry’s POV  
I am just sitting here in this empty room for the next three months. It is a punishment of sorts for changing my mind and wanting to stay. After my clone (so to speak) lead me through the door, I did not like what I saw. It was dark. Like, no light at all at first. Then as we walked a bit further, there was a faint glow off in the distance. It was kind of weird. It is like it was ghostly. I was afraid and hearing the moans and groans in the distance didn’t help either. I turned away before I stepped over this crack in the floor. It was like, it separated the side I was on from the unknown. As I turned away, I looked to my clone and said, “Please get me out of here. I changed my mind. I want to stay. Please.” I was not above begging at this point. He turned to me and told me there would be consequences of returning after entering the afterlife, but I didn’t care. All I knew was I did not want to step over this crack… EVER!  
As we went back through the door, we entered a different room. This room was dimly lit and it did not have a calming feel to it. I was on edge as soon as we entered. I stood looking around as my clone began to tell me my consequences. “You will be placed in a coma on earth for the next three months. You will be attached to the soul of the one you love, Louis Tomlinson. What he sees you will see. What he feels you will feel,” he said. This made me a bit alarmed because there is no way I would want to feel what he feels if he is having sex with his damn fiancé. I think I would rather step over the crack! As if he knew what I was thinking he continued saying, “You will not feel anything he feels physically. It will all be emotionally. After three months, you will awaken and be given one month to make Louis fall for you. If you do not get him to fall for you in this time, your watch will stop and so will your heart. Your sole purpose is to get Louis back,” he said in finishing his speech. The only thing I could think to say was, “What watch are you speaking of?” I have many, but it is frightening to think one of them holds the beat of my heart. He turned to look me in the eyes and said, “The watch Louis gave you on your first anniversary.”

Flashback  
Louis and I had shared a beautiful evening together. It was our first anniversary and I made sure to make it special. As we were preparing to leave the restaurant, we exchanged our gifts. Louis opened his gift and his mouth fell open. It was a promise ring with a blue and a green stone in it. On the inside was engrave “My Sweet Creature”. Louis’ eyes began to fill with tears as I slipped the ring on his finger saying, “Louis, I am so glad I met you. You have changed my life and I love you so much. I can’t wait until I put the next ring on your finger and call you my husband. I don’t know what I would do without you. This is me making a promise to you that I will always be there when you need me and even when you don’t. I will protect you with my life and I won’t ever let anything or anyone come between us. I know things are bad right now with the hiding, but I promise you that one day it will all be over. I love you, Loubear.”

He cried for a bit as I hugged him and kissed his hair whispering how much I loved him into his fringe. When he got himself together, he pulled out a box. He grabbed my hand and said, “Hazzie, I love you so much to and everything you said to me is meant from me to you as well. I never want to be without and I can’t wait to be your husband one day. You are all I want so much it hurts. I looked at him with tears in my eyes as well. He was near sobbing by the time he was done. It was so amazing the love we had for each other. It was the kind of love that feels like it burns. It is so deep and so wide, nothing could cover it. He passed me the box and I opened it. It was a Rolex watch. It was simple, yet beautiful. I loved it. He put it on my arm after I read the engraving. It simply said, “Always You, Hazzie. Always. 

End Flashback

I didn’t realize I was crying until I looked back up at my clone. My vision was blurry and as I touched my face, it was soaked. Such a beautiful memory it was. Too bad for me it was only a memory. With that, my clone snapped his fingers and the watch appeared on my arm. I stared at it in awe as he said, “Your time starts now. Don’t forget, when you awake, you will have only one month to make him fall in love with you again. After that, you will be back and you will have to cross this time. No exceptions.”

As he walked away to leave me alone, he turned and began to speak again. “I forgot to mention. There are three other abilities you will have alongside feeling Louis’ emotions. I will not tell you what they are because you need time to adjust to feeling his emotions. It will be more difficult than you think. Once you figure them out, one of them will be a big one. You will need to use it wisely, but you can use it as often as you please. Just be careful. You will understand what I mean soon enough. Good luck to you. You will need it,” he said and disappeared. 

I was trying to think what abilities they could possibly be when a bubble opened up and I could see into my hospital room. I could see my mom and Gemma there along with my friends. Louis was in the room beside my mom at my bedside. I listen to my mom tell Louis about my condition and then suddenly he hugs me and says he will be there for me. What I didn’t expect was for him to kiss me. I could feel the love in his heart for me as he did it, although it was nowhere near what it once was. It hurt a bit, but I knew there was no way he could feel for me what he once did. He was soon to be married to his fiancé and that was it. After the shock of the kiss, from both off us actually, I heard a door slam. It was Josh leaving. Maybe I shouldn’t have felt this way, but I was so happy. However, Louis’ heart began to ache. Even though his pain was basically my pain because I could feel it, all I was thinking about was how much I wished I could have felt his lips.

He quickly left the room and when outside he noticed Josh was gone. On his way home, his mind was racing and he was afraid. I could feel his fear. I wish I was there to help him. He was so fucking scared. I wish I could read his thoughts. Was Josh hurting him at home? Would he do something to cause him pain because of the kiss? I wanted to kill Josh. Why couldn’t I just accept going back in the beginning. Then I could be there now and he wouldn’t be going through this because the kiss would never have happened. 

When he finally reached home and got inside, he was a mess. Before he could even have time to take a good breath, Josh came marching in the room and grabbed him by his shoulders. Louis’ was a bit frantic and he was very scared. The look he had in his eyes was unreadable, yet scary. It was then I realized one of the powers was that I could see what Louis saw. This could be a good and bad thing. Like now, I could have to watch Louis being beaten. I can’t tell what Josh is going to do, but I know Louis is scared shitless and I can’t do a damn thing about. 

Louis is begging Josh to let him go. He must be hurting him. Louis’ voice is shaky and I can tell from experience he is near tears. Just as I wanted to scream, I literally did. Josh pulled Louis in for a kiss and it was like he was kissing me. It was as if I was seeing through Louis’ eyes. Luckily for me, I could not feel it. However, relief washed over Louis and all I could feel in his heart was love. So much love. All for Josh. It is killing me to feel how much love Louis has for this man when his love for me feels nothing like this. It is nowhere near this. I have a lot of work to do I can tell. The kiss seemed to go on forever and since Louis’ eyes were apparently closed, I couldn’t see anything. I guess he is really enjoying it. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Louis opened his eyes and they were in the bedroom. They were kissing all the way there. Sadly, I could hear it all. Every groan or moan that fell from Louis’ lips as well as Josh’s. Louis sounded so beautiful, but sadly it was all for Josh.

Josh looked over Louis’ shoulder and smiled. My heart dropped. As Louis turned around, I saw the bed. It was covered in rose petals and there were candles lit around the room. The light was dimmed and I died a little on the inside. I knew what was about to happen, and it would be like I was literally in the room having to bear witness to it all. They began to undress each other and I wanted to die. How I wished I could go back and step across the crack right about now. However, just as I was about to try to kill myself again, Josh spoke. His voice was cold and his look had changed. However, it was not the tone of his voice that sent a cold chill down my spine, it was what he said and did. He grabbed Louis again and Louis cried out this time. The next thing I saw was Josh’s hand go up in the air and come down fast. I heard a smacking sound and Louis suddenly became terrified and he began to sob. 

“So you love him, ey?” Josh spat. Then another slap. “After all I have done for you?” Josh screamed. Then another slap. “I was hoping it would never come to this ya know,” he nearly yelled towering over Louis who had fallen on the floor. A punch to the face. Louis was begging Josh to just leave him and let him be, but Josh was nowhere near done with him apparently. He began to hit and kick Louis relentlessly. Louis was still on the floor, but I could no longer see because his eyes were closed. Suddenly, they jolted open because Josh apparently yanked his beaten body from the floor. Louis could barely stand and his eyes were barely open. Josh pushed him on the bed. 

Louis begged and pleaded with Josh. He apologized over and over again but he never took his words back that he said to me. He never said it was a lie no matter what Josh said to him. I knew what was going to happen as Josh began ripping his clothes off. He was going to rape him. If only I could do something other than watch from above. I prayed Louis would close his eyes. I prayed someone would come. I prayed for a miracle, hoping Josh would leave and just never come back. However, it didn’t happen when I wanted it to. By the time he grabbed his bags and left, Louis was a bloody and bruised mess lying on the bed covered in semen and with new found information that shook him to his core. As much as I hate it and as much as it killed Louis to let happen, it was his cum. Josh told him if he didn’t lay there, take it, and enjoy it that he would kill him. When that wasn’t working he added that he would kill me as well. Louis became pliant on the bed. He gave up fighting and tried to find pleasure in the brutal assault on his body he was receiving from Josh. He did not go easy on his body at all.

All I could say was, “Louis I am here. Even if you can’t see me, I’m here love.” I brushed my hand through my hair and down my cheek. Louis gasped and looked around the room as if someone was there. This made me nervous. I was thinking Josh had come back until Louis grabbed his hair and then his cheek looking confused. “No,” I thought to myself but apparently, he felt metouch him. How the fuck did I do that. “Oh m-my gosh. I c-can to-touch him and he can feel it.” I said to myself. I now have some freaking out to do and some things to figure out. This must be what my clone meant when he said I needed to control myself. I wish he could hear me. I wonder what Louis is thinking right now. I wish I could read his thoughts.

Louis’ POV  
Oh my God. Hazzie...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I have been gone so long to all of those who read this story. I sincerely apologize. However, I am back now and ready to write. I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. It got a bit painful to write. I left out specifics until next time. As long as you read this, you know what I mean. So until next week, leave your thoughts at the bottom. I may try to update again on Saturday which is the normal updating day. I won't make any promises though. L8tr guys!!


	10. Dealing with New Realiites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry explains things to Louis. Louis comes to sudden realizations and begins to take action.

Louis’ POV  
As I lay here on the bed, I can’t help but sob. My body is in so much pain. I can’t believe I have wasted all this time with this man that I knew, but really didn’t. How can I be so blind? The events just keep replaying in my mind. Just as I am about to try to stand to go to the bathroom for a long soak in the bath, I hear a voice. It said, “Louis I am here. Even if you can’t see me, I’m here love.” I didn’t want to freak out. In my state, I am surprised I am not seeing things as well. Just when I thought I couldn’t freak out anymore, I feel a hand brush through my hair and then down my cheek. I jolt up in surprise and begin to look around. My head is pounding and I am feeling a bit lightheaded, but I am scared shitless right now. The only thing I can think to say is, “Hazzie.” That voice. I know it was him. The question is how? How can I hear him and most importantly, how could he touch me. I am freaking out right now. I don’t know what is going on. 

 

I finally find the strength to pull myself out of bed. I sat for a bit to see if anything else would happen. Nothing did. I was kind of sad about that, but happy at the same time. My body has received enough of a shock in these past hours to not need to deal with anything else right now. I eventually make it to the bathroom and turn on the faucet. A nice hot bath should do me good. I want to look in the mirror but I am afraid. That fucker really did a number on me. I wish I weren’t so weak. I wish I could have fought back. After that slap, I kind of blanked out. All I could do was try to shield myself as best as I could. All the kicks and punches he gave me. I can’t believe any of this has happened. The most surprising is that he r… r… ra, I can’t even say it in my head. I shouldn’t be crying. I need to be strong. I need to call the police. 

 

I decide to hold off on the bath until I speak with the police. I can’t let him get away with this. He violated me and beat me mercilessly. He needs to go to jail and I hope he does. As I turn to head to my room to grab my mobile, I glimpse at the mirror. I begin to sob uncontrollably. “I can’t recognize myself. Oh God. I… I,” I can’t even finish my thought. “It’s ok Louis. Just call the police. That bastard has to pay!” I hear someone say. I jumped at the sudden voice and slipped on the rug. I hit my head on the side of the tub. I landed on the floor, hearing a cracking sound. Everything is going black. Fuck my life.

 

Harry’s POV  
I am still trying to understand how Louis can hear me and feel my touch. All I know is that I was hurting so much for him and I wanted to comfort him. Maybe that’s it. If I concentrate hard enough and can somehow connect with Louis, then maybe that is he is able to hear my voice and feel my touch. I have to be very careful with this. I could use this to my advantage though. This will really help me out a lot. If I am able to talk to him and he can feel my touch… this will be so much fun eventually. 

 

Louis has finally made it to the bathroom. However, he has changed his mind about his bath and is not going to call the police first. I am so glad. That prick does not deserve to see the light of day ever again after who he is and what he has done. The nerve of that fucker. I wish I was alive. I would kill him. “Oh God,” I hear Louis say and begin to sob. When I focus in on him, he is in the mirror. He is looking at his face and sobbing terribly. Both his eyes are black and there is a cut above his left and a cut beside his right. His nose is busted and looks broken. His lips are swollen and busted as well. His bottom lip looks as if it cut in the corner so bad he will need stitches. Oh my gosh. My baby. ““It’s ok Louis. Just call the police. That bastard has to pay!” I find myself screaming without thinking. The next thing I see is Louis jump and trip on the rug. He fell and hit his head on the tub and has blacked out. His arm is twisted in a funny way and I think it may be broken or badly sprained. Since he now lives alone, no one will come to help him. This is fucked up and it is all my fault.

 

I lightly stroke my hair because I know Louis can feel it. Well, if he were conscious. I really hate this. His hair is so soft. I wish I was there with him. I wished things weren’t as fucked up as they are. If only I could turn back time, then I could fix things. I am glad that guy is gone. I never liked him. I only put on a smile for Louis’ sake. I never saw him that much, but sometimes when Louis would talk about him to me and I had to fake smiles. I am sure he knew they were fake. He knows me too well. Nothing about me has changed except for my mental state. But hopefully, if I am able to win Louis back all that will change.

 

It has been almost an hour and Louis is still unconscious. I need to try to wake him up. I feel kind of weird that I have to touch myself in the place that I wish for him to feel it on his body. Stroking my hair and cheek is not a big deal, but what if he allows me to touch do him in a more intimate way one day? That may get a bit weird but hey, I am all up for it. So, what can I do to try to wake him. I wonder how would I kiss him on his lips? No, no. That would not be right. Besides, I don’t know how I would do it anyway. I decide to tap on the side of my face. I can’t be too rough with it because he is already banged up pretty seriously and I don’t want to cause him any more pain. I tap on his cheek and begin to call his name. After about five minutes, he begins to stir. “Hazza,” he calls to me. He is pretty calm right now so I know he is not realizing I am not actually there. I don’t want him to freak out again.

 

“Louis. I know this is going to sound weird, but I need you to just listen to me. Can you do that for me?” I ask him and he nods his head with his eyes still closed. I stroke his hair as I begin to speak. “You have to find a way to get yourself up and go call the police. That bastard can’t get away with this. He has did unimaginable things to you and he has to pay,” I try to say calmly. Tears are streaming through the sides of his eyes as he lays there listening to me. I continue saying, “I wish I was there to hold you. Maybe try to make it a bit better. I would definitely hold your hand and support you as you go through what is to come. I know it will not be easy, but I promise you I will be here with you through it all. Don’t ask me how this is happening. All I know is I am glad I am able to offer you comfort in words and touch. All you have to do is call on me and I will come to you. Even though you can’t see me, I will come.” He is full on crying by the time I finish what I have to say. “Don’t be afraid,” I whisper to me before I begin to stroke his cheek. He holds the side of his face and smiles a bit through his tears. “Thank you so much, Harry,” he says to me.

 

Louis is trying to get off the floor. He is doing a lot of struggling. His body is so sore and he can’t use his left arm. His cries are killing me and I don’t know how to help him. “Don’t be afraid,” I whisper to him again and begin to stroke his back. That will be what I say each time before I touch him. I don’t want to scare him so I will say that. Well, at least until he gets used to it. Eventually he gives up and just rests his body on the side of the tub. I decide to see if I can lift him. If I can touch him, maybe I can figure a way to help him up from the floor. He can’t just stay in the bathroom. He needs medical attention and to report that sick bastard to the cops.

 

After thinking for a moment, I decide to grab my right arm and lift up on it. It is so funny seeing his arm go up in the air. “Hazzie? What are you doing?” He sniffles out in a bit of a whisper. His voice is hoarse from all of the screaming and crying. “I am trying to help you get up I respond. Let’s give it a try and see if it will work,” I tell him. As I get a tight grip onto my arm, I begin to lift it. Louis begins to push up with his legs and slowly but surely, he is able to get up off the floor. “Go get your phone and call them now. Please, Louis.” I beg him. He can barely walk now. His body is stiff and in so much more pain from the fall. He finally makes it to his room and gets his phone. He slowly sits down on the bed and winces terribly at the pain in his ass. When he finishes the call, he just sits there thinking. I wish I could read his thoughts. All that has happened to him today, and now his ex-boyfriend, who is in a coma no less, is able to communicate with and touch him. As I look a bit closer at him, I see he has silent tears falling down his face onto his top. I stoke his hair lovingly and tell him, “It will be alright love. Just be strong. As I told you before, I am with you.”

 

As I wake up, I can feel light taps to my face and someone calling my name. I know It is Harry, but how is this possible. So I ask him as I lay there with my eyes closed. He explains everything to me as best as he can. It is kind of hard to believe, but how can I say it is not true. It has to be something and only he would know. After his explanation, I try to get off the floor. I am still struggling but somehow, Harry manages to be able to help me. I finally push through the pain and make it to my room. My arm is hurting so bad I wish I could chop it off. Actually, everything on me hurts. I just want to disappear. Find a way where I can numb my whole body. As I turn to sit down on my bed, a sharp pain runs through my ass and up my back like I have never felt before. I know this is not normal and it scares me. I take my phone and call the police. When they finally answer, tears begin to stream down my face. “Yes. My name is Louis Tomlinson, and I was just r-r-raped and severely beaten by my boyfriend. Can you send me some help please, please.” I begin to beg. All these emotions begin to hit me and I don’t know if I can finish the call. The officer asks for my address and when I give it to her, she says there will be officers here shortly as well as an ambulance. 

 

I thank her and hang up the phone. As I sit crying on the side of the bed, I begin to think of what he did to me. He was so ruthless and uncaring. To find out who he really was shook me to my core. I can’t do this. I just want to leave this place and go hide away somewhere where no one will ever find me. I am so afraid for what will happen after this. As he tears continue to stream down my face, I feel a hand stroking my hair. I know it is Harry. It still feels the same as it did all those years ago now that I pay closer attention to it. I lean into the touch. It feels so good and I didn’t realize I’d missed it so much until now. I am so glad for whatever is going on. I know bad things happened in the past, but I am over all that now. I am happy Harry is able to be like this with me even though his body is laid in a coma in a hospital bed. It is kind of weird when you think about it, but I am thankful for it nonetheless. 

 

I sniffle a bit as the stroking continues and Harry speaks to me again. He said, “It will be alright love. Just be strong. As I told you before, I am with you.” He just doesn’t know how much happiness I feel when he says those words and I won’t tell him. I simply ask, “Will you hold my hand while I talk to the officers Harry? I don’t think I can do this alone. I need you.” He doesn’t respond right away, but when he does he sounds a bit choked up. “Anything for you, Louis. I will always be there for you.” I smile a bit to myself. Sadly, it was a short-lived happiness. There was a knock at the door. “LAPD,” I hear a man say loudly after four hard knocks. “I’m coming,” I yell out because I know it will take me a little longer to get there. “Well, this is it,” I think as I slowly make my way to the door. Once I open it, they take one look at me with stretched eyes. They come rushing in after I move to the side and the medic walks me to the chair to begin the examination. “Who did this to you,” one of the officers asked me. "Hazza," I whisper and move my hand outward a bit. I feel Harry take my hand and I find my voice again. Slowly I say, “His name is Josh. Josh Peters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave thoughts and comments below. The next chapter will be a gutter. I was gonna do it this chapter, but I couldn't get myself in the right mind to write it. Pls vote and share!!


	11. Reliving The Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis tells the police the gruesome tale of what happened when he got home and Josh violated him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This gets a bit gruesome. Read at your own risk. Not for the squeamish.

Louis’ POV  
As I began telling the police what happened, I could feel Harry holding my hand. When I would get overwhelmed, he would give my hand a gentle squeeze to let me know it was ok. I don’t think I could have made it this far if it was not for Harry. He is not here in the flesh, but I can feel him. I still can’t believe this has happened. I never thought I would see Josh again, let alone be in a relationship with him. I was in love with him. How could I not realize he was one of my childhood bullies? Harry’s best friend of the bunch no less. It is amazing what almost 10 years and a bit of surgery can do. I am so upset with myself. It is like I brought all of this on myself. When I finally decide to love again, I fall for the one who helped to kill me. I am trying to keep this out of my mind as I tell the police the events that led to tonight.

 

“So, you and Mr. Peters have a past,” the officer asked me. “Yes we do. It is as I have just explained. However, I did not realize it was him. I didn’t recognize him. He looks nothing like he did in school. I just wish I had known. Maybe I could have saved myself from this.” I said to the officer. “Alright, you have told us about everything leading up to tonight, correct?” the officer asked. I nodded my head and felt a strong wave of anxiety hit me as he asked me to tell him what happened that led me to calling them. I began to sweat and I could hardly breathe. My hands began to shake and I felt faint. I leaned on the back of the chair for support and I could feel Harry squeezing my hand and he began to stroke my hair. Tears streamed down my face. I opened my mouth to begin and I was a stuttering mess. The officer asked permission to get me something to drink and I nodded my head. After he brought me a glass of water, I tried to begin again.

 

“Well, when I arrived home after the last incident at the hospital, I was afraid. Not because Josh had ever been anything but gentle with me, but because I knew how angry he was when he left; or at least I thought I did. When I unlocked the door and came in, I felt a bit overwhelmed suddenly. I was glad he was not in the room at the time. I assumed I would have time to take a breather, but he came in. He came walking towards me kind of fast and he looked like nothing happened and I got really scared. He grabbed me by my shoulders really tight. I asked him to let me go, but he held me tighter. Just as I was about to scream he pulled me into his chest and kissed me. It was like it has always been. No different. He walked me backwards to the bedroom. I was so caught up, I hadn’t even realized.” I said before stopping to take a deep shaky breath. “Take your time son. Do you need a minute?” the officer asked me. “No.” I replied.

 

I took a sip of my water before I continued. Harry is still stroking my hair. I hope he can sense how much I appreciate him right now. I know this is hard for him as well. I know how he feels about me and seeing what happened and not being able to do anything was a killer to him. I know it was without having to hear him tell me. It was just like high school all over again, except this time, he wanted to help but couldn’t. As the officer cleared his throat and looked at me to continue, I snapped out of my thoughts, sat up a bit, and bowed my head before I began. “When we got into the room, he broke the kiss and glanced over his shoulder. When I looked back, there were rose petals and candles all over. I was in awe. It was such a beautiful sight. I was thinking he was upset but he isn’t. I sadly was mistaken. When I turned back around, Josh was staring at me and it felt a bit creepy. Then he slowly began to undress me. I don’t understand how he changed so fast, but he abandoned unbuttoning my shirt and slapped me. Then he started asking me things about Harry and slapping me each time until I eventually fell on the floor after about the fourth or fifth slap. Then he began shouting things at me while punching and kicking me. All I could do was curl myself into a ball to try and protect myself as best as I could. I remember he did a really hard kick to my stomach and I grabbed it and he kicked me in the face. I started to feel like I was going to faint. I wish I could have.” I said and then stopped for a moment. I didn’t know if I could go on. I drank a bit more water. I was full on crying recalling the events that I had to sit here and speak out loud. I just wanted to forget. “It’s alright, baby. I am here. Just breathe for me love.” I heard a voice say. I knew it was Harry of course. His voice did help to calm me down a bit and he began to stroke my cheek. It was so comforting. I leaned into the touch. When the officer cleared his throat again, I realized how I must look. “Are you ok? Do you think you can go on?” he asked me looking concerned for me. “Yes. I just needed a moment,” I responded to him. “Uhm, where was I? Oh, yes. After the kick to my face where I thought I was going to pass out, I didn’t. He yanked me off the floor. I could hardly stand. He threw me onto the bed and I knew what was coming. I begged and pleaded with him. Josh, please stop. You’re hurting me. He wouldn’t stop. I could feel more and more blood leaking from my skin. Josh didn't care. He was tearing my clothes off. I was trying to fight him but it didn’t do any good. The more I fought, the more he hurt me. He grabbed my throat and told me to be still, take it, and enjoy it. He said if I didn’t, he would kill me. I continued to struggle and he said he would kill Harry. That was when I went still. I couldn’t let him kill Harry. I just accepted my fate. 

 

When I stilled, he flipped me over and pressed my face down into the mattress. I thought the beating was done, until I heard something whipping through the air and a harsh stinging in my back. It didn’t take me long to figure out it was his belt. He hit me over and over again. It got so bad. I thought I was going to die. I could feel my back ripping open and my blood splattering around my back with each hit. I could hardly breathe. I could feel the splatter of blood on my back with each hit. I prayed for death to come. Then everything stopped. My body was aching so badly. I could barely move. I went to lift my head and he hit me with the belt again but so much harder this time. My body shook from the pain and I almost blacked out. He yelled and told me I would always be his and his alone. You will always belong to Josh Peters is what he said. When it registered to me who he was, he screamed that yes, he was Harry’s best friend from school. He said he always loved me but he couldn’t tell me. He said when he found out Harry and I were dating he was mortified and that is why he joined in on the beating. I tried to get up again and he grabbed the back of my neck and held me down. He sp-spread m-my legs open and he, he…” I stopped and broke down crying. I could feel Harry squeezing my hand and trying to comfort me, but this time was not helping. It was too much. As I tried to catch my breath, everything began to fade away. I heard the officer yelling for the paramedic to come over, and I blacked out just as I felt myself being lifted to the gurney.

 

When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had all kinds of tubes and wires running from my body to different machines. Best of all, the pain was gone. I was on my stomach. I didn’t like that very much, but I assumed it was because of the damage to my back. I was in a hospital gown and the lights were dimmed. When I looked out the window, it was dark. I just lay there crying, thinking about what had happened. How could Josh do this to me? Even though he was who he was, we had a great relationship. I would have never known who he was. I am glad that I found out, or that he told me rather, but why did he have to hurt me like this? It is like he all of a sudden didn’t care for me. If he wanted me so bad and he finally had me, why would he destroy me like this. I don’t know how I will ever get past this. It is just too much. I know I still have to finish with the police and I am dreading it. The sooner I get it over with the better. Just as I was about to drift back to sleep, I feel a hand in my hair. “Harry,” I called out. “Yeah. It’s me love. Rest love. You need it. You have been through a lot. Rest,” he replied. So I closed my eyes and let my sobs and Harry’s touch lull me to sleep.

 

The next morning when I woke up, Niall, Perrie, Zayn, and Liam were there. Perrie was a complete mess and I was trying to comfort her and let her know I was alright. She spoke about the blood coming through my bandages on my back and called for the nurse. When the nurse came in she asked them to leave so they could redress my back. About thirty minutes later, she was done and they were allowed back in. There was someone with them this time I had never met. Niall introduced him and told me his name was Steve. He said it was his boyfriend of eight months. I wish we had met under better circumstances but, it is what it is right?

 

“I can’t believe that asshole. If I ever see him I am going to…,” I cut Perrie off shaking my head. “Perrie, it is ok. It is over now and he can’t hurt me again,” I said to her. “I know babe, but he had no right. I am your friend and I love you. I may not have known you for long, but you are one of us now. We are ride or die,” she said with a small laugh that made me smile for the first time in what felt like forever. “I wish I was there with you guys,” I heard Harry say. Without thinking I responded, “You will be soon enough Harry.” “What?” I heard Liam say. I looked at him with wide eyes. Harry was laughing and I was getting a bit angry because they will think I am crazy. “Just tell them you can hear my voice, Lou. Don’t tell them anything else. Then they will definitely think you are crazy.” he said through his laughter. Gosh I love his laugh. “Uhmm, I know this may sound weird guys, but I can here Harry’s voice. He talks to me,” I said and was glad I was still on my belly so I couldn’t see everyone’s face. “I know it sounds crazy, but I can.” I continued saying. “What do you mean? I,” Liam began but was cut off by Zayn. “What the hell are you on about, Louis? How do you think you are hearing Harry?” Zayn asked walking around so he could see my face. “I don’t know. Every since Josh,” I paused… “did what he did to me, I have been hearing his voice amongst other things.” I whispered the last part so no one else could hear it. “I don’t believe that,” Niall said getting hums of agreement from the other boys. Perrie was quiet. Finally she said, “I believe you Lou. Stranger things have happened.” “Babe, I know you can’t be serious,” Liam said. I turned on my side so I could see everyone. Niall rushed over to help me when he saw me struggle a bit. “It is true guys. I swear to you. I was a bit dumbfounded at first, but he has been talking to me since. He’s been comforting me and trying to help me since I regained consciousness after “it” happened.” I told them. “I wouldn’t have made it through talking with the police had it not been for his words in my head” I said as tears flowed once again. 

 

Everyone was quiet. I didn’t know what else to say so I just took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. “Tell Liam when we were in uni, he found some money on the ground and cried because he left his wallet at home but since he found the money he could get lunch. Then before he could get to the café, a girl came up and told him she saw him pick up her money. She said she couldn’t catch it because of the wind, but she would like it back and smiled to him. He gave her the money, but then cried again because now he couldn’t get lunch again.” Harry said laughing. He also told me no one else knew about that except for the girl. As I told Liam, his mouth dropped. I almost couldn’t get it out for laughing. It felt so good to have a laugh despite everything. Thanks Harry.

 

All you could hear throughout my room was laughing. I had tears in my eyes again, but for a good reason this time. By the time it was over, Harry had told me something to tell to all of them in order for them to believe me. Liam’s story took the cake though. It turns out the girl who took the money from Liam was Perrie. The killer was that it really wasn’t her money. She just saw him pick it up, was broke, and wanted it for herself. However, she never knew Liam cried. That was so embarrassing for him for her to find out. I apologized even though it was not my fault. I had no idea the girl was Perrie until after the story was told. Soon enough, they started getting me to ask Harry all kinds of things. I was getting a bit tired having to repeat so much. Soon enough, Harry told me to tell them they needed to leave so I could rest. As they said their goodbyes, Harry spoke again. He said, “Tell Zayn to stop stroking me cheek and holding my hand when he comes to visit me. That shit is weird.” Then he burst out laughing as I told him. Zayn’s cheeks turned a bit pink and he just nodded his head and rushed out of the room as everyone stared at him. 

 

After everyone was finally gone, Harry and I talked a bit. I wanted to know more about how he was able to touch and talk to me. He said it was just a gift, but he didn’t know how far it could go. “I mean, can you touch me anywhere or is it just limited to how it has been in my hair or whatever?” I asked. He said he didn’t know, but maybe we could explore one day and find out. I was a bit anxious. I wanted to forget Josh’s touch. I wanted the memory of pain to be gone. I wanted Harry to try to touch me and make me feel good. I knew deep down I shouldn’t do it, but I needed it. I begged Harry to touch me. He wouldn’t do it. “I can’t do that love,” he said to me. “You are in a vulnerable state and I don’t want to do anything you may regret and resent me for later.” I just cried. He tried to soothe me, but I swatted him away and told him not to touch me. I knew he was right in what he said, but I was just too done with everything at that point. 

 

After I finally fell asleep, I was awaken a few hours later by my nurse. “Mr. Tomlinson, there is an officer that would like to speak with you if you are up to it,” she said. I began to panic a little and she assured me if I was not ready, they would wait. I told her I would be fine and she exited the room. “Harry,” I called out but got no answer. I think he is upset because of how I treated him before. I feel really bad about it now, but at the time, I needed his touch. I needed him to touch me because I know he loves me and I needed to forget. If only for a moment, I needed to forget. The officer entered about twenty minutes later. Harry was still not here with me. I began to get afraid. Just when the officer prepared to take notes and told me to continue from where Josh grabbed my neck and spread my legs, I felt Harry take my hand. I nearly sobbed as I opened my mouth to continue the horrid tale.

 

“Well, after he grabbed my head and pressed me into the pillow, he spread my legs. I remember it hurt so badly. I thought they would break apart from my hips. He was holding my neck so tightly, I was afraid to move. Then he rammed himself into me. He didn’t prep me or anything, not that I expected it. He was relentless. It felt like he was ripping me from the inside out. It felt like it went on forever. After a while, he pulled out and flipped me over. He began pounding into me again. I was crying so bad I couldn’t see. I tried to push him off, but he reminded me of why I needed to stay still and he also sent another punch to my face. I just lay still hoping it would be over soon. Shortly after that, he pulled out. I was thinking he was done. He came up to my face and I knew he was going to shove his dick in my mouth. He made sure to tell me if I bit him or anything I shouldn’t he would kill me then Harry. I opened my mouth and he shoved his dick inside my mouth. He started pounding into my throat. I could not breathe, but he didn’t care. He just kept going and going. When he looked down and realized I was borderline unconscious, he pulled out. He began calling me names and started hitting me again. He said I deserved this and that he always knew I was a piece of shit. Then he shoved his dick in me again and started to try to reach his high. He told me that I had better cum. I knew he had told me I better enjoy it or he would kill Harry, so I had to try to find pleasure in him r-r-rapping m-me. So, I began to think of Harry and when we were together in school. I thought about our first time together. I was in a completely different place. Before I knew it, I was cumming. I accidently called out Harry’s name as my cum shot up on my belly. 

 

That set Josh off even more and I thought he was going to kill me. We had this box of toys under the bed that we used sometimes. Just some basic things. He got off me after slapping me in disgust of what I said, and grabbed the box. He then tied me to the bed despite me begging him to just let me go. He also gagged me so I couldn’t scream. Before I knew what was happening, he shoved a dildo in me. He turned it all the way up and just let it sit there. I was so ashamed because of how good it f-felt. He walked away from the bed when I began to moan even though I didn’t want to. When I was able to clear the tears from my eyes, I noticed him packing. It seemed like forever before he finally took the vibrator out. I, embarrassingly, had cum twice more. I wanted to die. I was barely conscious and all I could do was pray that death would take me. 

 

After he removed the restraints and the gag, he stood beside the bed stroking himself. Then he was on me again. I don’t know how long it lasted because I fell unconscious.” I finished saying in barely a whisper and drenched with sobs and tears. Harry had been here doing everything he had been before to try to help me maintain my control. I held back my emotions until I got through it but when I looked up and saw the look of pity for mw on the officer’s face, I finally broke down. The officer tried to comfort me but all I could hear, all I could feel was Harry. I just wished I could get to Harry, wherever he was. My breathing was heavy and I had severe pains in my chest. The machines were beeping and going crazy causing the doctor and nurses to rush in. The last thing I remember is the doctor shouting is, “His pressure is dropping. Move people!” When I opened my eyes again, I wanted to cry at the sight. “Hazzie”…


	12. A Time To FOght

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis has joined a group for domestic abuse victims and has made a new friend, Louis and Harry get a lot closer but bad things are just around the corner.

Louis’ POV  
These past few weeks have been hard. Going through what I did and then what I went through in the hospital was enough to nearly drive me mad. I had started to have really bad nightmares and Harry was always there to comfort me, but it was not enough. The doctor suggested that I see a therapist. I declined that and decided to join a peer group for domestic abuse. It has really helped me a lot hearing stories from others and it was comforting to know that I was not alone. I had met a new friend there named Thomas. He was a very sweet guy. He had blond hair that was slightly curly. It came down just passed his ears. His eyes were grey and so, so beautiful. He was much taller than I was. He was maybe around six feet. When we first met, we hit it off instantly.

 

That was two weeks ago. We have spent a lot of time together since then. I have not been able to go back to filming with the movie yet because of the bruising on my body. The skin on my back has been healing well, but it is still very tender. Everything else is mostly okay. I had invited him over for the first time about a week ago. We watched movies and cuddled a bit. I was expecting it to be just a friendly time, but before I knew it we were kissing. I felt a bit uncomfortable at first, but there seemed to be something so familiar about hiss kiss and I melted a bit into the kiss. Apparently, this wasn’t sitting too well with Harry. I could hear him sighing and the big gasp he took as Thomas laid me back on the couch. However, I couldn’t bring myself to stop him. I needed this. I had been feeling so low and I know this was fast. I knew I wouldn’t sleep with him, but what was wrong with getting off with a beautiful man without shedding my clothes. 

 

Thomas began grinding his hips down on me and it felt so good. I just needed to be lost in this feeling and forget about everything that has happened; even if only for a little while. Thomas began to kiss down my neck and he eventually found my sweet spot. He had me moaning and squirming around on the chair. It just felt so good. I knew Harry may be hurting but he wasn’t here. I feel so alone even with Harry. Having Thomas here with me right now is what I need. He is a good distraction from the chaos that is my life right now. 

 

As I feel my orgasm growing, Thomas begins to grind down harder on me and I can tell he is close as well. The heat pooling in my stomach feels so intense and my body begins to shake. Before I realize it, Thomas has reached his high and is grinding me through his orgasm. Then he begin to palm me through my joggers. It feels so good. He begins to kiss me and not a minute later I reach my high. We both are breathing heavily and staring at each other. “That was amazing and unexpected,” Thomas says and I have to nod my head in agreement. “I hadn’t expected that this is where this evening would end up, but I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it,” I added on. As we decide to cuddle up and finish the last part of the movie, I can feel Thomas staring at me intently. I want to look at him but I am afraid of what might happen. I mean, I just let him get me off and I have only known him for two weeks. I know it was just a spur of the moment thing and I have no intention of going any further, but I don’t know what he is thinking. After a few minutes I decide to just glance over to him and I wish I hadn’t. He is looking at me with a look that reminded me so much of Josh. It is really making me afraid. 

 

I cleared my throat a bit with a cough and asked, “What?” He just stared at me a moment before he said, “You are so beautiful, Lou. I wish you would let me take you out sometime.” I went a bit wide eyed because I was completely stunned. We both have supposedly come out of an abusive relationship and he is asking me out? I can’t do this yet. I am not ready. That is exactly what I told Thomas. He said he understood and he would wait until I was ready. After that, he said he was going to go because it was getting a bit late. I agreed and got up to walk with him to the door. He kissed my cheek and said goodnight. I pulled him into a hug and said goodnight as well. 

 

After Thomas left, I went to run myself a nice hot bath. My back was a bit sore and I knew this would help. I put in some bubbling oil and added in my favorite bath bomb. It smelled like lavender and vanilla. I grabbed my big fluffy towel and went back to the bathroom. I was feeling a bit sticky from the events earlier. Thinking back on it now, I do regret it. Not because I didn’t enjoy it, but because of Harry. I know he could hear and see everything. Although it is not my fault, I could have at least considered his feelings. He has told me how much he still loved me and how he would be here for me. He has been nothing but great to me since all this happened. He comforts me so well. His strong invisible hands rub my back and through my hair so gently. The soft brushes on my cheek and all the comforting words of love he whispers to me when I cry. If it was not for him, I think I would not have made it this far. Yes group has been great and so has Thomas for the most part, but without Harry in the mix, I would still be lost. 

 

“Harry,” I find myself calling out. I have not even gotten into the water yet. “Yes Lou,” I hear Harry reply quietly. I can hear the sadness in his voice for what happened earlier. “I’m sorry Hazza. I shouldn’t have let that happen with Thomas. It was too soon and I know it hurt you. I am truly sorry for that,” I say with a guilt laced voice. I hear Harry sigh before saying, “What you do is your choice Louis. I can’t tell you that I enjoy having to hear and possibly see it if I open my eyes, but you have to live your own life and make your own decisions. My current situation should be no hindrance as to what you do. I told you I would be here when you needed me. Other than that, pretend I am not here.” 

 

Those words hurt a bit. I always want Harry here with me for as long as he can be. It is not like Thomas and I are dating. We are just friends that let our comforting each other go a bit too far. It is not like I plan to let it happen again and I try to explain this to Harry. He says he understands and I hope he means it. As I add a bit more hot water to my bath before I step in, I begin to think to what extent of power does Harry have? I mean, I know he can touch me, but is he able to do it sexually? Harry was so good at sex when we were together. We didn’t have a lot of sex, but when we did it was worth the wait between. Fuck it was amazing. The way he dominated me made me weak. He could kiss me and I felt like I was floating. I need him so bad right now. Fuck, I really need to calm myself because my cock feels like it is about to explode. Thinking of Harry’s hands on me, I find myself getting hard. I squeeze the base of my cock a bit to try relieving some of the pressure building up. My mind is a mess. The old and new Harry were merging together in my mind into one blissful explosion of thoughts. I think I am really going to enjoy this bath.

 

I finally step inside the water and it feels so good. I lay back and enjoy the feeling of the water engulfing my body in the most comforting way possible. I moan at the feeling of the water easing the pains and tension from my body. I can feel Harry’s hands brushing through my hair and I almost want to cry. If I couldn’t have his affections anymore I don’t know what I would do. I feel his hands lightly tugging at my hair and I moan a bit. Fuck! He knows I loved having my hair pulled. I feel as his hands slowly move down to my shoulders and he begins to apply pressure there in the best way possible. He begins to knead the skin there and it feels so fucking good. I let out a content sigh as he continues to rub my shoulders. 

 

As I am beginning to fall asleep, I feel his hands go lower. I can feel his hands caressing my sides and I begin to get hard again. “Harry, please,” I cry out as I feel him begin to dig into my hips and lower back. My cock is so hard right now and I know it is leaking precum them into the water. His hands feel so good. Just as I remember. “You are so beautiful Lou,” he says as he finally decides to speak. “If you needed someone to touch you and make you feel good, why wouldn’t you want that from me? I know I am not there in the flesh, but I can make you feel good love. In every way,” He told me. I couldn’t help but let out a moan as I felt his hand stroke my cock. “Fuck,” I cried out. He was not even here and he could make me feel this way. “Tell me what you want from me right now love. Don’t be afraid. It is only us here and I want to please you. Tell me what you want. My mind and hands are for you and you alone,’ Harry says as I let out a shaky breath at the feel of him stroking me a bit faster. “Hazza! Make me feel good, please.” I cried out.   
Before anything else began, Harry asked me if I was sure because he didn’t want me to regret it later. I assured him that I wanted it and it is like a switch was flipped. I could feel his lips on mine. It was so weird that I was literally kissing air but I could feel Harry’s lips. It was amazing and it only got better from there.

 

Harry’s POV  
I hate this. I really do. If Louis needed someone to make him feel good, why wouldn’t he want me? Why can’t I be enough for him? I know he doesn’t know that I am going to recover, but still. I am here now. Well, sort of. I have been practicing on sharpening up these perks I have been given. I am able to do so much more now. I have so much more control over these powers. There is nothing and I mean nothing, I can’t do to him. That is if he would want. I don’t even want to think about the Thomas situation or what just happened on the couch. This has been a bad couple of weeks for Lou and if he felt that Thomas could help him deal with it a bit then who was I to speak out. It hurt me hearing him moaning for someone else. I could have done that for him. I hope I get the chance to. I would never unless he specifically asks me. I‘d never just start something like that with him if he did not consent. I need to get him to fall in love with me and that is not the way to go about it. 

 

Louis is running a bath right now and I couldn’t be happier. The sooner he washes his time with Thomas away the better. I wish I could see him. Too bad I can only see through his eyes at a time like this. Louis standing naked would be a sight to behold. Maybe I could ask him to stand in front of the floor length mirror in his room. No, no, no. I am not going to do that. I will wait until he does it willingly for me to see. I don’t want to ask for it. “Harry,” I faintly hear Louis call. As I connect with him, I can see he is looking in the mirror. I can see his beautiful face an it nearly makes me lose my breath. “Yes,” I replied to him. He started to apologize for the whole thing that happened with Thomas. I stopped him and told him basically he could do what he wanted. If he felt that was what he needed then that was his choice to make. I told him that my presence should not keep him from doing what he wanted and to simply pretend I am not here. Those words tasted like shit in my mouth and I could tell he felt saddened. It was true though. He was free to do what he wanted. With or without me.

 

After a few minutes, he turned away from the mirror. He had a look in his eye that made me wonder what he was thinking those extra few minutes after we talked. He looked horny. I want to please him so bad if he needs it, but I won’t unless he asks. When he was finally in the water for a few minutes, he was laying back relaxing when I decided to help him relax a little more. I began to stroke hi hair and tugged on it a little. I know how much he likes his hair pulled. He let out a small moan as I continued to stroke and tug on his hair. Slowly, I made my way down down to his shoulders. I began to massage him gently. His body relaxed and he let out a content sigh. I began to massage a bit more firm before I slowly trailed my hands down his sides, stopping at his hips. I began to squeeze the flesh there and he moaned again. My thumbs caressed his lower back while my fingers stretched the expanse of his hips. He feels so fucking good. I wish I could really be there with him. I want him to be able to look into my eyes and see the love I feel for him. “If you needed someone to touch you and make you feel good, why wouldn’t you want that from me? I know I am not there in the flesh, but I can make you feel good love. In every way,” I told him. I moved one of my hands from his waist and began to stroke his cock. “Fuck,” he cried out. If I could get hard, I know my cock would be rock hard right now. His moans sound so good when I am the cause of them. 

 

“Tell me what you want from me right now love,” I found myself saying. He begged me to make him feel good. I was a bit skeptical at first, thinking he may regret it later. I voiced this and he assured me that he wanted it more than anything right now and he would not regret it. With that being said, I kissed him and removed my hand from his hip to caress his cheek. He moaned into my mouth and I began to stroke him faster. I pulled away and began to kiss down his neck. He threw his head back to give me better access. I began to suck love bites onto his skin. “I am going to make this a night you will remember for a long time princess,” I said. He used to love it when I called him princess, so I thought I would throw that in there. He preened at the name and began to moan as I began to kiss down his chest. “Put your arms on the rim of the tub and don’t move them,” I said in as sturdy and dominant of a voice as I could muster. I may not be able to get hard but I can still feel arousal and I was nearing my peak. I began to suck on his right nipple and he arched his back and called out my name. “Fuck, Hazza! Ah, yeah,” he nearly screamed as I began to bite down lightly on his small nub. I am sure I would look weird as fuck right now with my mouth and hands moving while touching nothing, but the pleasure I am giving my angel would be worth the weird looks.

 

“Hazza, I’m close. Fuck!” he nearly screams as I flick my wrist and rub my thumb over his slit. I began to pump him faster and he cums, shooting up on the top of the water. I watch it float through his eyes as he tries to control his breathing. “I’m not done with you yet love,” I whisper and I could see the shiver that racked his body. I pecked his lips to let him know I was there before I began kissing him again. I swiped my tongue over his top lip and he slightly parted his lips for me. He is moaning into the kiss and I begin to palm him to get him hard again, while inching his nipples with my free hand. Fuck he is such a great kisser. When I pull back he looks as if he is in pure bliss. He is a moaning mess right now. I remove my hand from his nipple and begin to circle his rim. He arched his back and his arms came from the tub and to his chest. I brought a sharp smack down on his right thigh. “Ah, fuck,” he cried out with a jolt. “I told you not to move your arms didn’t I,” I asked him and he nodded his head. “Speak your words,” I told him sternly. “Yes, Hazza. I’m sorry,” he replied. “I hope I won’t have to punish you love, though I know how much you love to be spanked,” I said in a teasing tone. He moaned at my words. “Are you going to be good for me love,” I asked. “Yes, Hazzie!” he replied when I slapped his thigh again for not answering. “I wanna be so good for you.” He replied breathlessly. 

 

I slowly began to circle his rim again and I decided I wanted more. I flattened my tongue and licked from his balls to the top of his ass. I placed open mouthed kisses on his inner thigh as I continued to stroke him. He is moaning loudly and it makes me want to explode. I began lick his rim and he cried out. Nice and slow strokes, I want to make it last as well as tease him a bit. I am a bit angry that he allowed that Thomas to touch him despite what I said. I smack my hand down on his left thigh and push my tongue into his swiftly. In and out. In and out. It is so amazing how I can taste him. He still tastes so fucking good. I moan around him and the vibrations cause him to cry out again. Between me stroking his cock, licking at his rim, and now rubbing his nipples, he is getting close fast. I remove my hand from his nipple and insert it in his hole. I begin to pump him quickly in time with his cock. I kiss him again shoving my tongue into his mouth and kissing the life out of him. I swallow every moan he lets out and every scream when I began to jab mercilessly into his prostate.”Fuck. Ah yeah, hazza. Fuck yeah. Ha- Har….,” he tried to get out before he was cumming again. I decided I would let that be enough for him for tonight. He lay there silent except for his heavy breathing. I wish I could see him right now. Next time I will have to tell him to position himself in front of the mirror. Better yet, get a mirror over the bed. No wait. I am getting ahead of myself a bit. 

 

“Harry,” he called out to me. “Yes love,” I replied a bit hesitantly. I was a bit nervous as to what he was going to say. “Thank you.” He replied to me. “Why are you thanking me love,” I needed to ask. “For everything. You have been with me through all of this. You have always treated me so well even though things eventually went to shit. You have never treated me anything other than with love and affection. You have always been my knight in shining armor. Now, here you are tonight, taking care of me again. I still love you so much Harry. I wish I could touch you. I wish I could hold your body against me pressed tightly. I hope you pull through this. I need you to pull through this. I don’t want to live the rest of my life without you whether we are together or apart. I will always need you, Hazza,” he finished through his tears. I was at a loss. I know how much I love Louis but to know he loves me back makes me feel I might actually have a chance with him when I wake up. I know I still have a long way to go but I am willing to go the distance. Louis is worth it. I will make him mine. “You don’t have to thank me love. I would do anything to make you happy. You know how much I love you,” I replied simply. 

 

Soon I heard the water draining from the tub and he turned on the shower to rinse off. I closed my eyes and imagined him in the shower and how beautiful he would look with the water cascading down his naked body. Oh what I wouldn’t give to be able to feel his touch right now. I’ll just have to wait. Hopefully things will only get stronger between us and then I won’t have so long to wait.

 

Louis’ POV  
It has been three weeks since Harry was intimate with me and it has only gotten better. I still visit him in the hospital because I still need to see and touch him. Funny enough, he told me he can feel my touch. I used that to my advantage and caressed certain parts of his body just to hear him moan. I kissed and licked at his neck, careful not to leave a love bite. I mean, that would look weird to his visitors. I love to hear him moan. I tugged harshly on his curls knowing how much he loves it and he nearly screamed my name. Eventually, I had to stop because he began to touch me as well and I did not want to cum in this hospital room. 

 

Soon visiting hours were over and I had to leave. I gave him a kiss goodbye and I could feel him kissing me back even though his lips were not moving. I hope he wakes up soon. Hopefully we can mend what had been broken between us and we can be together again. I know the physical part is intact, but it is everything else we need to work on. We have been apart for a long time. Jumping into something would be stupid. Even though we are practically together now, it is not the same. I am sure it will all work out though.  
As I exit my car and enter my apartment building, a feeling of gloom washes over me. I don’t want to go in for some reason. So I call up Perrie, Niall, and Zayn to see if they want to hang out a bit. They are all working tonight so they told me to come by the club. I walk back out to my car and I realize I didn’t have my wallet. As I think back, I realize I forgot to pick it up on my way out of my apartment. I quickly go inside and hop on the elevator. 

 

As I get to my floor, I pull out my key to unlock my door. Once it’s open, I grab my wallet. As I turn to leave I hear a voice say, “Welcome home honey. I have missed you.” “Josh please,” I say in reply. Before I have a chance to run, I feel his breath on my neck and he spins me around to face him. I can feel my body shaking terribly. This is it I thought to myself. Just when I thought all hope was lost, something back in the apartment falls and I hear Harry shout, “Run Louis! Run!” With all the strength I had in me I punched Josh in the side of the head as he turned around. As he was falling to the floor I ran as fast as I could to the elevator. I was afraid to take the stairs in case he caught me in there somehow. Just as the elevator was opening, I heard footsteps moving quickly toward me. I turn and Josh was coming down the hall full speed. I rapidly hit the button to close the doors. Just as the doors were closing he reached the elevator. “Too late you bastard,” I thought to myself. Unfortunately for me, I looked up and saw his fingers through the door.” “Fuck,” I murmured as the tears began to stream down my face.

 

Harry’s POV  
Oh my gosh. This can’t be happening! I began screaming, “Lou! Fight! Don’t just let him take you if he gets in there. Lou! No, no. no. Fuck, no! Please!”


	13. If You Break It, Fix It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are falling apart. (SOng on repeat... Cover of "Perfect" done by Bars and Melody. Original song by Ed Sheeran. LISTEN TO IT!?) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1df4IetbGI

Harry’s POV

I want to die right now. I mean to completely die. I want out of this coma and to just enter the grave. I have done everything I could to please Louis. Touching him when he wants and giving him pleasure to the point of a black out at times. You may wonder why I am so upset right now. Well, it all started two weeks ago.

 

Louis had found Josh in his apartment and made it to the elevator to try to get away. Sadly, Josh was able to get in but he couldn’t do anything because there was someone else in the elevator. He tried to stand near Louis but he backed away to the other couple and began shakily speaking with them. I spoke soothing words to him to keep him calm and it all worked out pretty well. Once the elevator reached the lobby, Louis got out followed by Josh. The other couple was heading to the garage for their car. Josh tried to pull Louis away again threatening him, but there were too many people and Louis began to fight. They were pulled apart and held in the office of the apartment building until the police arrived. In the end, Louis was let go and Josh was finally in custody. As the police carried him away he did his best to ensure Louis in the coldest most deadliest voice that he could muster, that it was not over and that he would be back.

 

Louis has been on edge every since then. I have tried to reassure him that he has nothing to worry about. Josh is in jail and if he were to escape, he would get a call and the police would be at his house straight away. This did not matter to him. He has been kind of pushing me away and I don’t understand it. He has been getting really close with Thomas. They have been spending a lot of time together and it makes me want to cry. I probably would if I could. Thomas is always touching him and they kiss a lot. It makes me feel sick. We were doing so good until Josh came back. Now, everything we had built up has been torn down.

 

Louis does not even visit me anymore, much less talk to me when he is alone. My days are mostly spent in silence. I can’t take it. Even here, the silence is deafening. I just wish I could take back the deal I made and just let everything be over. I feel like I have lost over and over again with every glimpse of Thomas I get through Louis’ eyes. He is currently on Louis’ bed hovering over him, with Louis’ legs thrown over his shoulder pounding into him. The thing that hurts the worst is how good Louis seems to feel and how much he wants Thomas. I think it is time for me to give up. I guess I have lost him again.

 

Louis’ POV

“Ah fuck, yeah! Ha-Harder!” I nearly screamed. Thomas is fucking me so good right now and it feels so fucking good but I feel so bad at the same time. I hate to do this to Harry, but I need this. Harry has been treating me so well despite everything. However, Thomas is here. He cares a lot about me and I need someone here with me. Yes, Harry is always here but then again he is not. I can’t see him. I can’t touch him. I want to touch him so bad and feel his arms wrap around me while we stare into each other’s eyes. But we can’t. I can’t have that. He has been in this coma almost for almost two and a half months. I have just been wanting a miracle and for him to wake up these past few weeks so he could be here with me. No such luck as always.

 

“Yeah, shit. Faster babe. Harder, please.” I yelled to Thomas. I feel so floaty right now. It’s like I don’t have a care in the world. As good as it feels, I just want it to be over. More so, I want it to be Harry. However, it seems like that won’t be happening so I have Thomas. He is not so bad. He is a really great guy and he has shown that he cares for me a lot. Truth be told, I could see myself being happy with Thomas. Maybe I won’t be as happy as I could be, but happy I’ll be happy enough to have a good life. Some may see this as settling, but what else can you do when you can’t have who you truly want. If I had never gone to that club, I think I could have gotten over Harry eventually. I nearly was. Then when I saw him, everything came rushing back. Then, when I got to talk to him in the hospital and get everything off my chest, I felt like I was nearly ready to let go. Then he took those fucking pills and it felt like my world was ending. Now, he is still alive, talking to me, touching me, and being there whenever I need him. Sadly, it is not enough. Or maybe it is, and I am just afraid.

 

“Fuck, I’m going to cum,” forced out as his hips began to sputter and lose rhythm. “Ahhhh, Lou,” he let out as he filled the condom. We both were panting heavily from such a good fuck but I never felt worse after sex. Well, this is the second worst. “Babe, you didn’t come?” Thomas asked but more stated. “It is alright,” I said to him. “No. My baby is going to cum. Flip over babe.” He said to me. I tried to protest but he flipped me over and began to massage my ass. No, I didn’t really want to do anything more, but it still felt so good. I don’t know why I couldn’t cum. It was there but something was keeping me from going over the edge. I am so confused.

 

As I lay there with on my belly with my ass in the air thinking, I scream out when I feel a Thomas tongue lick a long, slow stripe over my hole. “Ah, fuck. Do that again… pl-please.” I nearly beg. I feel it again and I nearly sob into the pillow. “Babe,” Thomas called to me. I turn to him and he asks, “Are you alright love? I haven’t even touched you yet.” As I try to collect my thoughts, my mind begins to scream Harry, Harry, Harry. Fuck, if only wishes could really come true. I quickly think of something to say and come up with, “Touch my ass more babe. It felt so good. Please.” I know I sound a bit pathetic, but apparently it worked. Thomas began to massage my ass more and place open mouth kisses there and on the backs of my thigh. Don’t get me wrong, it felt alright but there is a touch that I truly longed for. Harry’s.

 

I felt a tongue licking at my hole and I moaned a bit. I knew it wasn’t Harry because the electric feeling was not there. Thomas began to eat me out hard and had me writhing on the bed. It felt so good but it was not good enough. “Ugh, shit. Ah, just like that, fuck.” I cried out to Thomas as he stuck in a finger beside his tongue. This has been going on for about ten minutes and I am still no close to cumming than I was before. “Harry,” I found myself calling out quietly. I needed him and I should feel ashamed but I don’t care. I know Thomas is here but I want Harry’s touch. I need to feel his hands on me. I need him.

 

Thomas is grunting and panting behind me. I can tell he is stroking himself. I hope he doesn’t want to fuck me again. I don’t want that. I just want to kick him out and be alone. Harry is not here with me yet. I am sure he is upset and I understand. As much as we had shared and all he has done for me, I am here in bed with someone else. I reach down and begin to stroke myself to thoughts of Harry touching me. His hands feeling so firm yet gentle against my skin. He knows how to touch me. He knows what I like, even after all these years. No one can touch me like Harry. No one ever has and no one ever will. Only harry. “Ugh, fuck. I’m gonna. I’m gonna.. ahhhhh, Hazza!” I screamed as I fell breathless onto the bed not realizing what I had said. “Fuck! That was amazing.” I said to no one. Especially not Thomas. “Yeah it was babe, but what is hazza,” he asked. “What,” I said back to him. How does he know that name? Oh gosh. I didn’t. “That is what you said when you released love,” Thomas said to me. I nearly died right there. What am I supposed to say? I called him Hazza. Well technically, I merely called out Hazza. I would NEVER call Thomas Hazza. Ok, think fast, think fast Louis. “Oh, that was nothing. I was just agreeing with you, yeah?” I responded trying to use my best convincing voice. “Agreeing with what, Louis?” he said with an unsure voice. I cleared my throat and took a breath. “You said I was gonna cum so hard babe. I was agreeing with you as I said. That was the biggest orgasm I have had in a while. Thank you.” I said to him as he smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Fuck, I hate he is such a great kisser. It literally make me melt and I don’t want to.

 

The kiss started to get a bit heated and I didn’t want that. I wanted to pull away but I couldn’t. It felt so good and relaxing. Luckily, Thomas pulled away and went to get a cloth to clean us up. Apparently, he had cum again while he ate me out. After he had us wiped up, he climbed into bed beside me as usual when he stayed over. He always held me so close like he thought I would float away in the middle of the night. As I snuggled into his side, his breathing began to even out. I tried my best to fall asleep but I couldn’t. I slid out of bed and went into the bathroom. I splashed a bit of cold water on my face. What the fuck is wrong with me? I have this beautiful man, who literally thinks the world of me, in my bed and I’m not feeling it. All I can think about is Harry. I wonder if he knows what I am feeling. I wish he could see what is in my heart for him. “Why can’t you feel it Harry?” I say out loud. “Why are you ignoring me? What have I done?” I asked all in one breath. I just wish he would talk to me. “In case you haven’t noticed Harry, I don’t want him. Not like that anyway. I was thinking I did and that I could be happy with him. Well, happy enough anyway. But, I don’t know if I can. I couldn’t even get off without thoughts of your hands on my skin. Say something please.” I beg him. “Talk to me,” I nearly scream out as I let out a tiny sob. I wait a few moments. Nothing. I think I lost him.

 

Harry’s POV

It has been a week since that night Louis was with Thomas. I still can’t get it out of my head. I have not spoken a word to Louis since that day. He has begged and pleaded with me but I have remained silent. What am I supposed to say, huh? Oh Louis, I know you chose Thomas over me but it is alright. Now that you realized you only want me, well the ghost of me, everything is great and back to our normal. Bullshit man! That is NOT the case. We have been intimate with each other and he had even been intimate with me. I could feel him as he touched my body the last time he visited me. Every touch, every kiss. I felt it all and it was wonderful. He kissed my lips and I kissed him back with my unmoving lips and it was the most beautiful kiss I have ever shared with him or anyone. Then after the Josh mess in the elevator, he runs to Thomas. Why? I know I am not there in the flesh, but I… I… oh fuck. I am not there in the flesh. That is the fucking problem. I can't protect him. I can only comfort him after he is hurt. Omg. I have been so stupid. I need to talk to Louis. What would I even say? He may hate me, right? I have completely shut him out since that night he spent with Thomas. I don’t know how, but I had completely cut him off. It was like I was never connected to him. Leaving him like that, I am afraid of what I might find if I tune in to him again. I guess we will have to see, huh? Here goes nothing.

 

“Louis, we need to talk.” I say when I get a grunt in response and everything is black because his eyes are closed. “Louis?” I call out a bit louder. “Mmmm,” I hear Louis mumble as he opens his eyes. I nearly vomit at the site. Louis has his tongue out licking up and down Thomas’ shaft. “That is it,” I think to myself and I prepare for battle. I gotta get my baby back. As my hand touches Louis’ back he arches it deep. I run my fingers slowly and teasingly back and forth, and he moaned out. “No more Louis. That is enough. You are mine. I am done sharing.” I whisper in his ear as I kiss down his neck. "Ahhh, Hazza" he moans out as I slid my tongue over where I kissed. “I love you Louis and I am so sorry. I should have never been angry with you. I know I can’t be here in the flesh and apparently that is what you need,” I say as I lean my body over his back and hold him tightly massaging his chest and stomach. “If you want me to leave you, I will. I can do no more than I have before this mess, but maybe it will all be alright one day. Just say what you want love.” I say as I climb in front of him to where it is as if he is looking at me. I don’t know how it is possible, but I am looking into his eyes and it is as if he is looking right back into mine as he whispers. His eyes are so blue and I get lost in them. "Fuck, I love you so much Louis." I slip out accidentally along with a small sob against my will. As I stare into his eyes unblinking I ask, "Should I stay or should I go love? Your wish will always be my command whether it is what I want or not." He doesn't even need time to think. With a look of determination and certainty in his eyes he whispered, “Stay.”


	14. He Will Be Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Louis visits his new friends in Styles Fx, things take an unexpected turn. Friendships are strained and possibly broken. In the end, maybe Louis needs to hide out for a while.

Louis was sitting in Styles Fx talking with his new friends. They had become rather close since Harry’s death. Zayn was still a bit cold to him, but what could Louis do to change that? He had learned to accept it. It is what it is. The truth was, Zayn had come to develop feelings for Harry over these past four years of their “friends with benefits” relationship. No one knew about this but Liam had suspicions about. Zayn was always standoffish and a bit rude when it came to Louis. He couldn’t understand what Harry still saw in him. Zayn felt he was better looking and the better man for Harry. Sadly for Zayn, Harry never wanted anything more from him than friendship and sex. This was really taken a toll on Zayn now. It was alright when Harry was only with him when he wanted sex but now Harry only wants Louis. After they heard about the letter, Zayn decided then that he would have to get rid of Louis somehow.

 

Harry had everything. However, that was not why Zayn wanted Harry. Zayn thought Harry was everything. He loved everything about him. His long curly locks, his perfect body, his beautiful smile, and especially his laugh was just a few of the things Zayn loved about Harry. It was killing him inside that he could not call Harry his. He tried to give Harry small signs about how he felt but Harry either didn’t notice or just ignored them. Despite this and the knowledge that Harry only wanted Louis all this time, Zayn was determined to win him over. He openly stared and Louis with a hint of disgust in his eyes. Sure Louis was beautiful and men and women alike eyeing him up constantly. Zayn could admit that. However, he didn’t want Harry to be one of them. He knew very little about Louis and Harry’s past, but he was determined to do something to show Harry he was the better man for him.

 

“Zayn, can I talk to you for a second,” Louis found the nerve to ask. Zayn stared at him. Niall and the others look around at each other wondering what was going on between them. All except for Liam that is. He had some idea of what was going to happen and he was ready to jump in if need be. Louis was innocent in this and friend or not, he would not let Zayn harm him because of his jealousy. Harry didn’t want him and he needed to accept that.

 

“Sure,” Zayn said. “I prefer to talk right here though. I have nothing to hide.” Louis nodded his head. “That’s fine, Z. I just wanted to know why you seem to dislike me all of a sudden. I have never done anything to you. I love you guys and you all were being so kind to me. Then all of a sudden you stopped. What happened?” Louis asked in a soft voice. It really hurt him that Zayn disliked him without having a reason for it. He had been thinking about this for weeks. Every since Harry went to the hospital, Zayn had began to change towards Louis and it got worse and worse over time. Louis never said anything to Harry about it. He mainly tried to ignore it but today, with the looks Zayn was giving him, he needed to know what the problem was.

 

Zayn stared at Louis for a few moments before he began to speak, leaving everyone with their mouths dropped open when he was done. “First off Louis, don’t call me Z. Only my friends are allowed to call me that.,” Zayn started. Louis’ mouth dropped and you could see the hurt in his face. “And yes, I was alright with you at first. That was until I found out how much Harry wants you. I have been in love with Harry for almost two years now,” Zayn admitted. “Z! What the fuck?” Niall asked. “How can you be in love with Harry? Come on bruh, you should know better than that,” he added shaking his head.

 

“Niall, kindly shut the fuck up. This has nothing to do with you and I believe Louis was speaking with me,” Zayn retorted with malice in his eyes. “You know what Zayn, fuck you,” Niall said while standing from his stool at the bar. “Harry is in love with Louis so deal with it. That sex must have been awesome if it fucked you up like th…,” Niall didn’t get to finish his thought. Zayn had jumped on him and they were rolling around on the floor fighting. 

 

“Get the hell up. What the hell is wrong with you two,” Liam yelled as he pulled Niall off of Zayn. Louis and Perrie sat looking a bit frightened at the scene that was playing out in front of them. Zayn had a busted lip and his nose was bleeding. Niall’s lip was busted as well. It was not a pretty sight for two friends to have caused upon each other. Louis began to cry as he apologized for asking. He felt like it was his fault this had happened.

 

“It’s not your fault, Louis. It is these idiots fault,” Liam said. “I can’t believe you two,” Perrie shouted joing in the conversation. “As long as you two have been friends? Zayn what were you thinking jumping on Niall that way? Niall you also had no right to say what you said about them having sex. That was not your concern. The rest I agree with,” Perrie said looking back towards Zayn. “Zayn, you have no right to hate on Louis because Harry loves him. They go way back and I am sure if they love each other it didn’t just happen. Not only that, he is able to hear Harry speak to him. You know they have a strong connection for something like that, Z” Perrie tried to reason.

 

The whole idea of Harry communicating with Louis was completely insane. Why would he choose Louis? Zayn didn’t believe it no matter what Louis had told them in the hospital about Liam and Perrie. Zayn was not hearing any of it. He was angry and one way or another he was determined to have Harry. He took one last look at Louis and stepped up to him. Louis tried to be brave and not show any fear, but the look in Zayn’s eyes shook him to his core. Just before he stormed out of the club he said, “Fuck you Louis. Harry will be mine one way or another. He will see you for the worthless shit you are. Harry is too good for you. You should have died back then,” Zayn spit with all the hate he could put into his tone of voice. 

 

“How did you know about that,” Louis asked in shock with tears beginning to steadily stream down his face as Perrie tried to comfort him. Zayn cocked a brow and laughed. “I was there that night at the hospital. I came to check on Harry and I heard your conversation. You are a weak bitch and I am glad Harry allowed them to beat the shit out of you. I think I may have to do it next,” he said taking a closer step to Louis. “No please! I’m sorry Zayn. I truly am, but I love Harry and that is not going to change. You know about our history. Fine, I really couldn’t care less. If you were listening, then you know the whole story. It was not because he didn’t want to help me. So if you know about it, stop acting like he wanted it to happen,” Louis said becoming angry. 

 

“The lil’ bitch got a little bit of heart, huh?” Zayn asked being a sarcastic ass. “I don’t give a shit about what you think. Harry will come to his senses and leave you high and dry just like he did before. Mark my words you short fat assed whore. Can’t stop sleeping around and claim you were raped. You deserved what you got. He should have killed you!” A yell of you fucking asshole was all that was heard before Liam tackled Zayn to the floor. Perrie was screaming for Liam to stop but he continued to hit Zayn. Perrie screamed for Niall to stop it, but Niall shook his head no. “He deserves it Perrie,” he claimed. 

 

After what seemed like an eternity, Liam seemed to snap out of his fit of rage and noticed what he was doing. “Z,” he said with a shaky voice. “I’m sorry. I don’t… I,” he couldn’t even get out a clear sentence. Liam began to shake terribly looking at the damage he did to his friend. Zayn just lay on the floor laughing. He stood to his feet and shook his head. “It’s alright Li. Somebody has got to defend that bitch. I still mean every word I said. Harry will be mine,” Zayn said as he pushed past Louis almost knocking him down.

“Fuck you, Zayn. I am not afraid of you and I am not worried about Harry leaving me for you. He loves me and when he wakes up, we will be together. I hope you can accept that for your sake. Oh, by the way, Harry said to get the fuck out of his club,” Louis said before turning his back and sipping from his drink. Zayn just rolled his eyes, laughed at Louis’ apparent idiocy, and stormed on out of the club.

 

Harry could not believe what he had just witnessed. How could Zayn be in love with him? He paced back and forth in deep thought. It just didn’t make sense. Sure they had decent sex, but that was it. Harry had made it clear in the beginning. Now, Zayn has developed these feelings for him and Harry could not be any more upset than he is now. The way he spoke to Louis. His Louis. He wished he could wake up right now so he could give Zayn a piece of his mind. 

 

Harry was so proud of how Niall, Liam, and Perrie came to Louis’ defense. However, he would still deal with Zayn when he wakes from his coma. The things he had heard Zayn say to Louis were unforgivable. He would certainly be fired once Harry is able to tell him. He wanted to tell Louis to voice it for him, but he wants the satisfaction of kicking his ass and kicking him out himself. Something stuck in his mind though. He remembered Zayn saying one way or another Harry would be his. Those words made him a little afraid. He was not there to protect Louis and Zayn has a very dark side and Harry knows about I well. Zayn had done a lot of shit in his past and if it were not for Harry, Zayn would probably be in prison. One thing Harry knew was that he had to get Louis to go somewhere safe. He still has four days before he wakes up from his coma and that is plenty of time for Zayn to do something stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS!!!! Sorry I have been gone for so long. I really have no excuse. However. I will begin updating regularly now. Things are heated and getting good now. Harry wakes up in the next chapter, among other things, and shit is gonna hit the fan hard! Please like and share my story. It would me the world to me guys!! Love you all so much!! C-ya next week... or maybe b4!! :')

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! My name is Ni'Jah. This is my first official Larry story, "Styles Fx". I have quite a few written, but I have never posted. This is a new one I am only just beginning. Louis Tomlinson is my life!! However, I decided to write more from a Harry angle. He is really great, but he is no Louis (lol). Anyway, I hope whoever decides to read will enjoy the story. I promise to post a new chapter each week. I also promise that, IT WILL BE COMPLETED! Thank You Guys!! 
> 
> You can also find this story on Wattpad. Weird, yes, but the story may vary between sites. Either way, it will be awesome!! Wattpad -- https://www.wattpad.com/story/110191381-styles-fx


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